One of the most popular middle school "sports" invented, next to masturbating
. Contrary to popular belief, skateboarding is NOT a sport
because there are no referees, regulations, teams, or scores to be kept. Like most other liberals, skateboarders enjoy preaching. The skater lives by a code: "Skateboarding is not a crime". Well, it is. Last time I checked, destruction of public property, mindless cursing as a result of utter failure, and indecent exposure (skateboarders often hold a vendetta against shirts) are all illegal. The skater is a very self-absorbed creature, too. Many of them will insult your taste in music, then turn around and listen to whatever Bam Margera
thinks is cool. Almost always, this means outdated 70's punk or alternative hip-hop.
Skateboarders are also fond of striped jackets, sarcasm, New Era hats, "fighting The Man", energy drinks, masochism
, and unproportional jean-to-shoe ratios. Skateboarding has an especially devoted following in California, the wimpiest state in America. Over the course of time, skateboard tricks have adopted names, most of which sound like street slang for drugs (e.g. "nosehook", "face plant", "spacewalk", etc.). Because of their overpowering body oder, skaters can be smelled from a mile away, although the obnoxious sound of rubber vs. concrete may distract you from this.
Dude, if I owned a skateboarding company, I would totally manufacture the decks so that the center of the wood is soft/flabby, much like a skateboarder's penis. I would then apply WD-40 to every grinding rail on the planet, man. That way, a skateboarder has a sure shot of landing on his or her testicles, man. As a result, the next generation won't have to deal with gnarly wood pushers and bodacious bros!...brah.
Boy: "Yo! Let's rip up some asphalt my man!"
Man: "Hey, let's cut our hair and grow a pair instead!"
Boy: "Pshhh...you gots to get a girlfriend, bro..."
Man: "I have one. She's a direct result of choosing not to skate"
Boy: "Dude, it beats going to a job and coming back to the crib to drink a fresh case of beer, yo..."
Man: "No, no, no. That's what real men do. Maybe we'll hang when your balls do"
Boy: "Well, um...yeah. I'll work on that..."
*Boy runs to a computer to furiously masturbate*