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A completely automated eletro-mechanical apparatus used for swift, sterile and efficient masturbation. The Bolmph-o-tronic-bolmph-o-matic-bolmpherizer-XL-GT-3400; or B.three-fo as it is known on the streets consist primarily of a polished titanium cylinder approximately 34 centimeters (14 inches) in length and 10 cm (4in) wide. Designed to slide over most human penises. At the end of this cylinder is a clear plastic tube like the kind film comes in. The second part of this invention is the chair which looks like a La-Z-Boy recliner with a metal trash can mounted on the side, motorcylce-like helmet that is pulled over your head, and a cup holder for your beer. When activated a number of micro sized hydraulics, servos and actuators that massage the penis in the same way a vagina would. The temperature and humidity inside the cylinder is also regulated. The helmet is pulled down over the user's head and he is immersed in a 3D environment where the brain scan reveals and creates his ultimate sexual fantasy. When the user ejaculates it is captured in a small plastic container that can be cryo stored for later or dumped in to the "trash can" where it is vaporized by a lazer that is powered by a pico matter/antimatter reactor.
This machine was created at Area 51 and believed to have been made from reverse engineered alien technology. It turns out the technology was actually human from the year 9595.

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by Yobastanker September 18, 2004
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