Taser Monkey

A police officer, especially one who reflexively uses his or her Taser in situations in which a real cop would rely on his or her wits and communication skills.

Peace Loving Citizen: Excuse me, officer, might you have the time?

Taser Monkey (later, to Grand Jury): The perpetrator approached me and presented a reasonable request in a peaceable manner. I had no choice but to tase him. And tasers are "non-lethal" so it's obvious he died on purpose just to frame me.

Grand Jury: But your victim was a 90-year-old man with a heart condition in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank... asking for the time. And you killed him.

Taser Monkey: Exactly. He could have been a terrorist with a wheelchair bomb, plotting to kill me and everyone else in the area. A lesser cop might have answered with the time and we could all be dead right now!

Grand Jury: Oh right! What were we thinking? Of course we'll side with you no matter what. Fuck the citizens!

by taserbrain February 12, 2010

Monkey Tamer

one who thoroughly satisfies the needs and wants of the Monkey.

Stephanie: you are soo attentive in disciplining my monkey. it's never been more hungry for bananas!
Peter: I'm not just a monkey tamer by trade, I'm a monkey tamer by passion!

by Regina Falangi, I March 26, 2011