Top definition
A creepypasto is someone who drove through three hours of traffic, bleached their hair, and put blue contact lenses and freckles on their nose because they have not gotten enough plastic surgery to look more like Alex Simpson. Writes beautiful erotic fiction and names the url after his penis, only to be bested by Stephen Hugo, and loves to frolick along the beach with his daddy while giggling and requesting his daddy to shake his ass for him for his own viewing pleasure. Is big on pranks and surprises like opening a Christmas present of a tv dinner box that's labeled fettuccini with chicken but is actually some cheap macaroni and cheese with angel hair pasta and samoyed kidneys, no doubt made for less overseas to rub all over your body and get pneumonia. Later you find out he is also a professional at blackmailing the cops, being a fraudulent psychic, banging your mom, and giving out your brother's credit card to a frequent Uber user in California... AND he's not Indian... despite his web identities claiming to be. Basically your parent's second worst nightmare come true. The only benefit of being a creepypasto is that none of the various women you impregnate will even remotely consider asking you to have an active part in raising their children, forget acknowledge you are the father.
Thankless turkey: Ugh what's for Christmas dinner, undercooked pink meat from the tv dinner box? I thought it was fettuccini. SUCH a deceptive creepypasto.
Handeltons: Excuse you, if weren't for creepypasto you would never have anything great in life. You think fettucini would really solve all your problems?
via giphy
by The-real-cobra-queen June 17, 2018
Get the mug
Get a Creepypasto mug for your coworker Beatrix.