When one constantly feels the urge to take a dump, but while sitting the toilet, does nothing but fart.
Ted whispering in bathroom: "Here I sit broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted. I get so tired of stimulating constipation."
Martha: "Ted! You're talking to yourself again!"
Ted: "Sorry Dear."
Buy a
stimulating constipation
mug!
When one scratches their butt or other filthy body parts and proceeds to prepare food without washing.
Timmy: “Mommy? What’s for dinner?”
Mommy: “Ask your Dad dear. He just scratched his nuts and is now pressing some meat patties, so apparently something made from scratch.”
Timmy: “Looks like we’re in for a real treat!”
Buy a
made from scratch
mug!
How a redneck pronounces “retired”
Wilma: “Ernie! Ain’t you gett’n up to go to work today?”
Ernie: “Hell’s no! I’m reetard!”
A kinder/gentler way of saying “fart”.
Tina: “Mommy? Why is Timmy pointing his butt at me and smiling?”
Mommy: “He’s getting ready to pop one off Dear! Better move out of the line-of-fire!”
A really big hemorrhoid
Timmy: “ Mommy? Where’s Daddy?”
Mommy: “He’s in the bathroom treating his 5.7 Hemi Dear.”
Those little pieces of shit and toilet paper debris found on the back of a toiletseat after numerous people have wiped their ass.
Tommy: Mom! Timmy’s in the bathroom taking all the pot hockets and he’s not leaving any for me!”
Mom: “Go make your own Dear.”
What one uses when their cheeks are chapped.
Marty: "Why the Hell doesTed have his pants down smearing grease on his ass?"
Wilma: "That's not grease; it's butt balm. He has chapped cheeks."
