Executive producer of the live-feed reality show known as “The Universe.” “The Universe” consists mostly of empty space with an occasional star, wherein nuclear fusion produces heavier elements that can bond to each other and form planets. Once planets are pieced together from these elements, the elements can form amino acids capable of developing into microbial life that, over billions of years, evolve into sentient creatures. For God, the amusement of viewing “The Universe” is the point at which each planet evolves semi-intelligent entities capable of questioning the meaning of their existence. These entities, due to their desire to resolve these questions in a limited amount of time with a limited amount of information, are forced to answer these questions in haste. Such haste gives birth to a wide array of ill-conceived religions, each claiming a monopoly on the ultimate truth, which inevitably leads to conflicts with members of other religious ideologies that developed in a different spatiotemporal locale. These conflicts arise at different times throughout the cosmos due to widely varying onsets of planet formation and evolutionary development, allowing God to view a continuous stream of addictive programming once the first form of semi-intelligent life has developed. Upon the expiration of each participant’s biological contract, God transfers the participant’s soul to an ethereal location and greets them with several megatons of high-grade cosmic marijuana. Once stoned, participants are joined with both friends and enemies and invited to view the ultimate blooper reel from “The Universe.” This compilation will feature the most absurd conflicts that have arisen on planets throughout the cosmos, showcasing the utter insanity of social, political, and religious institutions.
God.
by [he who cannot be named] January 10, 2009