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Jemima's Witnesses 

A small, newly formed religion religion that believes This, a newly formed religion, is based on the ideology that Aunt Jemima is an omnipotent being that watches over the stack of pancakes that is the world as we know it. The stack of pancakes represents a multi-layered universe in which the top layer is seen as "heaven"; the middle, earth; and the lower, "hell". The butter on top of the stack is believed to be the very dwelling of Jemima herself! This layer idea is supported loosely by string theory (where multiple universe are layered side by side). It is believed that Mrs. Butterworth resides and rules the Lowest Pancake, where she attempts to thwart Aunt Jemima and all of her syrupy goodness. Mrs.Butterworth is indeed the essence of evil! Last, but certainly not least, we believe that you should "Eat a Better Breakfast "!
I'm Jemima's Witnesses. I believe that Mrs Butterworth is evil.
Jemima's Witnesses by Geshman WG October 13, 2010
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the household maid witnessed it all 

A less-than-well-known joke about Fereydoon's stalker (the household maid) from the game Wild ARMs 5. The "household maid" is a creepy woman who watched (or "witnessed", as she says) Fereydoon and Lucille spending some "quality time" with each other, and tells the person playing the game all about it. It's an easter egg, so very few people who have played the game actually know about it.

Outside of the WA5 cult, this phrase can be used to cause awkward silences.
Original Phrase: I witnessed it all... Fereydoon the Sentinel and a maid from Lady Diana's mansion, having tea and getting VERY cozy with each other...

Example of use in real life:

Mom: What were you doing up there with your girlfriend?

Your older brother: Uh...watching a movie?

Your younger sister, who was in the other room and heard it all: The household maid witnessed it all.

Trump’s Witnesses 

Also known as the “Trump Old Party” (TOP). A far-right subgroup of the GOP, which may be likened to a political equivalent of Jehovah’s Witnesses. White nationalists who misuse Christianity to reach out to undecided or apathetic voters, by warning them to stay away from socialist or alt-left politicians who support abortion, same-sex marriages, illegal immigration, and multiculturalism.
Guesstimate how many ultra-MAGA patriots in red-pilled states who just hate being called “Trump’s Witnesses.”
Trump’s Witnesses by Fasters January 14, 2023

Jehovahs Witnesses 

A Christian Religious group who preach to people by knocking on doors.

Yes they might be annoying, but they believe they are helping people, so give them a break. If you ask them not to call ever again they wont, thats all it takes.

I know some and they are lovely people, and the horrible things people say about them hurt, needlessly.

I havent been brainwashed and im not deluded, im just not disrespectful to people or beliefs i dont know about.
Some Jehovahs Witnesses called and sounded interesting so I started a bible study with them.
Jehovahs Witnesses by RandomMe September 16, 2009

Jehovah's Witnesses 

Students of the Bible who preach the "Kingdom of God." They claim that their God--Jehovah--is using Jesus Christ to bring an end to the world as we know it.
One of Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door, shared a scripture, and offered me a Watchtower magazine.
Jehovah's Witnesses by Mack C January 16, 2007

Jehovah's Witnesses 

Jehovah's Witnesses are Christians who believe that the Bible is God's word and that Jesus is their Savior. This Christian denomination dates back to the late 19th century. Charles Taze Russel is credited with organizing the first Bible study groups that later gave origin to the Jehovah's Witness sect; these groups focused on Bible prophecy and the second coming of Christ. This second coming is said to have happened invisibly in 1914 - a date that was originally thought to mark the end of the world or Armageddon. Their name comes from the Bible, the Book of Isaiah, Chapter 43, Verses 10 and 11. The meaning behind the name is rather clear. It indicates that they bear witness to Jehovah - Jehovah being the personal name of God. There are about 16.6 million Jehovah's Witnesses around the world, with only three countries (US, Brazil, and Mexico) holding a population of over half a million. Of that number, approximately 6.7 million Jehovah's Witnesses are involved in active preaching and are part of the official statistic count. They believe in a supreme God - a spirit which has a body, but not a human body. Jesus is the Lord and Savior but He is not a part of God. They do not believe in the Trinity - the father, son and holy spirit - as, for example, Catholics do. Rather, Jesus is separate from God and was God's servant on Earth. Jesus is also said to have been given an exalted status in heaven to a higher level than angels.
Because they believe Jesus is not God, that prayer is a form of worship, and that one must not worship false gods, they pray to God, not Jesus. They believe that after the end of the world, which is imminent, 144,000 people will get a chance to go to heaven. The rest will have a chance to be resurrected and live on a permanent paradise on Earth, as long as they are virtuous in life. Those judged unrighteous will cease to exist. Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe in a remaining soul after death. They believe all other religions to be false and are deeply involved in preaching as a way to impart the hope of resurrection to humanity. Politics is not an important part of life, as they believe governments will also be destroyed imminently. They rarely vote, and they do not take part in anything that has to do with national politics, including the singing of the national anthem or saluting the flag. They also do not celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and most avoid Thanksgiving, which they consider to be a Pagan holiday. Weddings and funerals are observed, and celebrating anniversaries is not forbidden. They tend to be conservative. Homosexuality, premarital sex, and abortion are considered sins. They do not accept blood transfusions, even if it means death. However, more and more hospitals are now using bloodless techniques in surgery, often crediting Jehovah's Witnesses as their push to research alternatives.

Hova's Witnesses 

The devout followers of the lord of rap, Jay-Z. They are marked in their position regarding conscientious objection to anything and refusal to submit to the police, which has brought them into conflict with some governments. Consequently, activities of Hova's Witnesses have been banned or restricted in some countries. Persistent legal challenges by Hova's Witnesses have had considerable influence on legislation related to civil rights in various countries. The best understood characteristic of a Hova's Witness is his or her refusal to "give a flying fuck" and inclination to "trip referees" at basketball games. They usually originate from New York City, particularly in the Brooklyn and Tribeca areas.
person 1: Dem Hova's Witnesses be thumpin' to some durty beats dawg.
person 2: Who dat? E-40?
person 2: Nigga its Jay-Z! (chck chck BAM)
Hova's Witnesses by jayang May 1, 2011