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Quite possibly the only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm toilet seat. The thought of sitting and basking in the misery of someone else's rectal warmth is not only disturbing, but also detestable, repugnant, hideous, and completely repulsive. The most heinous, hardened criminal should not have to suffer a fate as bad as sitting on a warm toilet seat.

Those that enjoy warm toilet seats usually also enjoy drinking room temperature coffee, eating food off the floor despite the expiration of the 5-second rule, not washing their hands after using the bathroom (worsened only by the use of a warm toilet seat), discarding of damp baby diapers into a trash receptacle inside the house, using a reused plastic bag to pick-up dog feces with their hand, and other vile, wretched acts.

The only thing worse than a warm toilet seat is a warm public toilet seat. Should you find yourself forced to use a warm public toilet seat, you should promptly burn all of the flesh subjected to this unholy hell. May God have mercy on your soul.
Jeff: OMG! I just had to use the bathroom in the office. The toilet seat was......WARM!

Kari: Dear God! A warm toilet seat? Say it ain't so!

Jeff: It is so. I'm so ashamed, but there was no alternative.

Kari: I will pray for you. Meanwhile, here's some gasoline and a match. You know what you have to do.
by SmellyMullet June 16, 2014
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