v. To apply lubricant, for the purpose of self-gratification or sex using a product unintended for the genitals, often causing the owner harm. E.g, Ben Gay, toothpaste, vapor rub, ethanol containing sanitizers, muriatic acid.
Guy 1: "Dude, I was going to wank it yesterday and hit bottom of my Vasaline!"
Guy 2: *looks up from homework* "What?"
Guy 1: "Yeah man, so I went and got this Purell Hand Sanitizer crap and went full force..."
Guy 2: "What in God's name are you talking about?"
Guy 1: "2 seconds in I was like 'OMGWTFBBQ MY NUTZ ARE ON FIRE!!'"
Guy 2: "Sweet Jesus."
Guy 1: Yeah, I started crying...
Guy 3: *enters* Once I jacked off with Chapstick.
Guy 2: ...