A particularly unpleasant little town in Cornwall, famous for a sweet little dance that it is inordinately proud of but the rest of Cornwall laughs at. Has a few good pubs (actually just the one - the Angel) and an epically crappy theme park called Flambards, which has one good ride, which is normally broken. Its one claim to fame is that every other town in the country is to the north of Helston. That's it.
Let's go to Helston! On second thoughts, that would be a bad idea.