Connor: "I cut my wrists after my ex-girlfriend posted on my wall that she thinks I'm gay, and she's sleeping with my cousin! I hate her! I have no reason to live!"
Resident Doctor Smith: "Connor, you are suffering from facebook induced mood disorder. I am going to admit you to the Adolescent Psychiatry Inpatient Unit. You will need to be stabilized on Adderall and Lexapro, stat. And eat with a spork."