Skip to main content

American Satellite 

Overlooking the sprawling hills, mighty oak trees and quaint meth trailers of Avery Ln., one will find the epicenter of the greatest satellite installation team know to modern man. Tom Little and his child prodigy, Lucas, worked for years together installing high quality satellite television throughout the greater Prunedale Metro area. Their dedication to friendly service, top shelf equipment and sheer know how made them a shining beacon of home entertainment.
The practice was simple; Tom would greet with a hearty handshake and then set to work preparing the specifications needed for and efficient and quick install. Measurements for access holes were drilled, cable laid throughout the foundation, signal checks and angles aligned.
Luke would go into your kitchen, survey the outlying perimeter of the refrigerator, and in 2 to 2 1/2 hours would have sushi made with rice (most definitely burned and rendering your rice cooker unusable ever again), salmon (which you didnt even know you had OR were saving for a special occasion) and a plate of skirt steak with A-1. After leaving every appliance and light switch in the ON position, Luke would, most likely, take a gigantic shit in your bathroom.
You cant train for service this exceptional.
Tom would present amazing business cards printed in the finest letterhead.
Luke would leave orange peels underneath your couch and knock over a bottle of wine he just opened onto the carpet.
Tom's "Customer Service is Job #1" attitude would ensure the word spread that American Satellite was a force to be reckoned with.
Luke would install a dish in the middle of your driveway or hood of your car. Then he would get a blowjob from your sister. He's that good.
Tom would tell Luke to paint your washing machine green.
Luke would kinda start painting, and then give up.
Tom would punch your goat in the ribs.
Luke would spill bongwater on your couch.
Sometimes they ran out of gas on the highway.
More often then not, they delighted families and left an undeniable mark on the community of satellite television. Let the entire installation community know: You've got American Satellite to contend with.
American Satellite mug front
Get the American Satellite mug.
See more merch

The state of america in 2022 

Really really really bad. All thanks to a 75+ year old man who fell off a bike and fell UPstairs
The state of america in 2022 is really bad.

Our economy might be shrinking, inflation might be at a 40 year high, and gas prices might be 7 dollars, but hey; no more "mean" tweets

United states of American 

What you call people from the US, as to not confuse them with other americans.
Surely, only a United States of American could believe that America is a country.

A United State Of America Ferrerra: The First Juvenile Release《 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿》

What I call homo-sapiens who are addicted to perianal abscesses.
Person 1: Are you addicted to perianal abscesses?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: A United State Of America Ferrerra: The First Juvenile Release《 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿》

the presidents of the united states america 

one of the best bands ever to not endorse comercialism. unfortunatly they recieved loads of preassure to tour more and relese more merch. evenually they broke up. some great songs by them are: lump, bag of bones, peaches, feather pluckin, and the list goes on.
the presidents of the united states of america will one day rule the world.

the presidents of the united states america 

USA Magnited States of America 

A magical land, where you are free to do whatever you want. This means you are FREE to text in a THE-A-TER.
Texter: "I was using my PHOONE as a FLASHLIGHT to get to my fuckin' seat. So EXCUSE ME for using MY phone in USA MAGNITED STATES of America where yer-you are FREE to TEXT in a THE-A-TER!"
Alamo Drafthouse: "lol u mad?"