When giving your employer notice of your resignation, you kindly offer a "today notice" rather than a "two week" notice.
Disgruntled Employee: "On 'Bring Your Child to Work Day' my boss told me that he didn't care that it was raining, I still had to walk 6 blocks to pick up some cupcakes for his fat kid."

Friend: "What did you do?"

Disgruntled Employee: "I turned in my 'today notice.' I quit today."
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