The Ugly Barnacle is a pice of literature, the authorship of which is generally attributed to Patrick Star. The legend depicts an unsightly Cirripedia whose distinct form caused the entirety of the population of the known universe to spontaneously decease. The piece portrays detailed characterization, informing the reader of the Cirripedia's physical appearance, influential presence, and how these and other aspects of his being affected those around him. However, the story leaves the reader asking questions, such as: 'what caused the Cirripedia to become so unpleasant?' or 'at which point in the life of the Cirripedia was it cursed with such horrid unsightliness?' The story has been critically acclaimed for its astounding detail in the field of characterization and setting as well as a its beautiful yet simplistic use of the English language that allows even those who are unintellectual to comprehend its influential morals. Even the most esteemed philosophers of our time have yet to fully grasp the meaning of the piece, some spending months, even years in meditation, study, and prayer attempting to to fully comprehend the legend as a whole. The story's author lives under a rock in a small town that is reportedly under the sea. Not much is known about him, though he is thought to lead a very simplistic lifestyle.
The original, unabridged text of The Ugly Barnacle spoken aloud by Star himself:

"Once there was an ugly Barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died! The End."
by mandella644 April 29, 2013

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