Mount your lady friend from behind & grab her arms submission-style. 1/2-way through, switch to the no-no hole so she starts crying. Pull out and pee on her head. Mash her face into the pillow so it leaves a make-up/tear/urine face on the fabric.
"After I gave Barb a shroud of urine last night, I made her wash the pillow cover while I watched the game. Bitch knows better than to leave a stain."