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1.
Drink Up:

I think the warning on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid.

Here are a few I would suggest:

"Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."
Extended: Real Realism For Realists

"Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."

"If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."

"Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

"Men: When emptying your pockets after a night of using this product, you may come across a human finger, a wad of Turkish money and a snapshot of a naked ex-convict named Dogmeat. The photo will be scribed, 'To Dave, my new old lady.'"

"Women: Drinking this product and enough of it and you will spend the rest of your life raising malnourished children and rusting trailer with a man that sleeps all day. Except for rapes."
by BorisTheBitchhound January 24, 2010