I think the warning on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid.
Here are a few I would suggest:
"Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."
"Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."
"If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."
"Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."
"Men: When emptying your pockets after a night of using this product, you may come across a human finger, a wad of Turkish money and a snapshot of a naked ex-convict named Dogmeat. The photo will be scribed, 'To Dave, my new old lady.'"
"Women: Drinking this product and enough of it and you will spend the rest of your life raising malnourished children and rusting trailer with a man that sleeps all day. Except for rapes."