Quatarius: *itch please, you's a skank ho. Always been partyin' & bein wit dem dudes.
Maury: Taniqua, are you sure Quatarius is the father?
Taniqua: Maury, I'm 150% positive he's Iesha's daddy. He gots the eyes, the chin, the earlobe...
Maury: When it comes to little Iesha, Quatarius, you are not the father!
Quatarius: What now?! I told you! I told you! YEAH!
*~Taniqua runs backstage sobbing, Maury follows, Quatarius jumps for joy~*
Maury: It's okay. You're now one step closer to finding the father. Who's next on your list.
Taniqua: Well (sniff) Quatarius was #62. Kareem has to be the daddy!
1. "I have slept with 63 men, and I need to tell my husband!"
2. "Beaten, shot, raped, and burned. And I'm alive to tell!"
3. "I don't think my son is my husband's."
4. "Man or Woman"
5. "My baby is 235 pounds, and I need help!"
Notorious for it's large African-American viewership, and it's notoriously low ratings, Maury has been the butt of jokes since it's inception.
Maury Povich is married to embarassment-of-a-journalist Connie Chung and is usually busy putting up with her.
1.being a complete whore and not knowing which of the 10 guys she has slept with is the baby's daddy. Even though it has been 6 different episodes. Boo Hoo! Just can't seem to keep my legs closed. Already have 5 kids and I don't know who they daddies are either!
2.Failing to understand that their partner is a whore and will always fail the lie detector test because they will cheat over and over again. Even though this time it's fr rrreal! Jus cuz he beat me don mean he don love me!!
3.Try to figure out who the fuck is a man or a woman by holding a contest ( just a ruse to get hit on by transvestites)!
4.Having a panel of pre-teens proudly displaying themselves claiming that their vagina is already worn and they is only 12 years old. They smoke weed and drink Hennessy and they even got paid two hundred dollas one time for giving a man a lap dance, and he was all of Thirty years old. It don't matter, you don't know me, I do what I want!
5.Wasting that whole hour recapping past episodes because the producers have nothing new to offer, they've done it all.
7.When all is said and done, you can always turn it on to make yourself feel better because you know that unless you are some in-bred ghetto assed crack smoking ignorant whore, you cannot possibly be off any worse than his guests. Thank god!!
Maury: this is Cindy. She has throat and breast cancer.
Maury: Cindy suspects that her husband Mark is cheating on her because she found scratches on his back
Maury: So what did he say when you found the scratches?
Cindy: The dog went crazy! Maury (Yelling at the screen) I know mark is cheating and when the lie detector proves that he's cheating he's gonna get all his stuff out my house!!!
Audience: HAHAHA...yeah (audience claps).
Maury: Allright here's mark. come on out.
Cindy: Mark! I know you're cheating!
Maury: So Mark the dog did give you the marks on your back?
Mark: Yes is was the dog. Cindy needs to stop all these accusations.
Cindy: I got proof mark we is gonna see stupid.
Maury: Mark we gave you a lie detector test. here are the results...Mark we asked if you cheated while your wife was at work you said no and the lie detector test said that was a lie in fact it said you cheated with more than 50 women.
Cindy: More than 50 women? I trusted you Mark. You are Out the door!
Mark: that test is wrong. It's wrong.
Maury: Ralph is it true that he has cheated?
Ralph: yes (Eating hotdog) he (chewing) has cheated with more than 50 women. Ahh too much mustard.
Maury: O.K. thank you. Go finish your hotdog. We'll be right back.
Don't Seem Right:
In the beginning it says that Cindy has throat cancer. So how is she yelling at the screen?
In the middle of the story cindy talks about how she knows that mark is cheating (how she knows that Mark is cheating). So why is Cindy on the Maury show if she knows that Mark is cheating?
How can a Lie Detector determine the number of women Mark has slept with? A Lie Detector test detects lies. Unless the Maury Show has a state-of-the-art brand new Lie Detector test.
oh yes.. sometimes other topics are talked about.. but most of the time, paternity tests are needed for the sad growing population of mulatto american children.
goes to show how corrupt american can be.. fo sho!