2. A pawn shop that specifically caters to ripping off unsuspecting children.
3. A place of supposed business hiring idiotic fanboys too stupid to realize that they won't make enough money to buy the games they love so much due to getting no hours on the schedule for lack of upselling magazine subscriptions like a drooling girl scout.
4. A special section reserved in the fourth layer of hell where your wallet and sanity aren't the only things raped.
5. A place where fangirls flex their knowledge in hopes of wooing unshowered, overweight nerds, only to reject their advances, because no one outside of Gamestop or the MMOs they play will give them a second look.
6. A business where the average transaction takes over 25 minutes to complete because the clerks hold your purchase hostage until they recite a novel's worth of asinine bullshit concerning pre-ordering of a title due to the district manager's bonus that's tied in.
7. A decaying, outdated, archaic business model that will choke as soon as the next generation of consoles that don't play used games launch.
8. A store where the district managers have never worked a retail gig, let alone played an actual video game, grind employee souls into the epoxy used to create the fee-ridden Comdata pay cards.
You: I'd like to purchase this game.
Clerk: That won't happen until you reserve nine games and buy this magazine which gives you $0.02 savings on every purchase.
You: No thanks, just the one game.
Clerk: Are you sure? My overlords are watching me right now, and they're going to sacrifice a human baby and drink its blood in the name of Mammon if I don't get 47 reserves and 23 subscriptions today...
You: I'm going to Wal Mart, Target, Frys, or Best Buy where they don't nickel and dime me for stupid shit, have whatever I want in stock whether I pre-order it or not, including special editions that you short-sell to doctor supply and demand, and I'm pissing on this broken demo Wii stand on my way out in hopes of giving the next child that tries to play it AIDS so he'll die before you get any more of his allowance.
Customer: Hi, I'd just like to buy Gears of War 2.
GameStop Employee: Alright. Would you like to get the regular version, or the special limited edition with the cool artwork and the metal box and the holographic trading cards and the extra DVD included for $10 more?
Customer: The regular version is fine.
GameStop Employee: Would you like to get the used version for $54.99 instead of $59.99?
Customer: Well... no, not really.
GameStop Employee: Would you like to get the strategy guide for $19.99?
Customer: No thank you.
GameStop Employee: Do you have an Edge card?
GameStop Employee: Good, because you can sign up for an Edge card for $19.99. You can use the Edge card to get more store credit for your trade-ins. You can use it to get discounts when you buy used games. Plus it comes with Game Informer magazine, which is the best magazine ever.
Customer: No thanks, not right now.
GameStop Employee: We're also now taking pre-order reservations for Halo Wars, Street Fighter IV, Madden 2010, Resident Evil 5, and a bunch of other games that come out 2 years from now. For $5 down.
GameStop Employee: But it guarantees you a copy on the day the game is released.
Customer: I've bought plenty of games on the day it came out without reserving. Unless it's something like Halo, chances are the game will be available. Can I just buy my game?
GameStop Employee: Do you want to add a warranty to the game for $5 in case anything happens to it?
Customer: Do you want to shut the fuck up? I just want to buy the fucking game.
GameStop Employee: Do you have any used games to trade in for this purchase?
Customer: NO, MOTHERFUCKER!
GameStop Employee: Want any free 6-month subscriptions to any of the following magazines? You can pick two.
Customer: JUST CHARGE ME FOR THIS SHIT SO I CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
GameStop Employee: Okay, here you go. Oh, and one more thing, at the bottom of your receipt is a website you can visit where you can enter to win a free game system of your choice.
"I used to work at Hooters"
"You start monday."
2. Can't be bothered to produce mock display cases, so they open a new copy and use that.
3. Considers the potential rental(s) of said copies by employees, to not count toward considering the game "used" and proceeds to sell the above mentioned copies "as new".
4. Many employees are so casual they'll stand around talking and playing PSPs while customers wait.
5. Will buy a used game that sold for $59.99 last week, for $12.00 (credit) then, sell it for $55.00.
6. Apply a penalty of -20% for cash trade-ins.
7. Used game prices for new games are only five dollars less than new.
8. Do not take cases, books, maps, other pack-ins into consideration no matter how important, when considering price for used merchandise.
If you ever want to return a game, buy a game, reserve a game, or do anything related to video games make sure to go ANYWHERE but Gamestop. They just love to rip you off, persuade you to NOT buy what you want to buy because they don't like it, and just screw you over in general.
Me: "Fuck you."