Fartin' around the turd is a figure of speech used to imply that somebody or something is wasting time or procrastinating.
This figure of speech comes from the actions of a gaseous individual, who instead of going to the bathroom and dropping a deuce, with just sit there and fart around the turd all afternoon.
"Hey Justin, quit fartin' around the turd, these are open-air cubicles and it's starting to smell like raw sewage in here."
"Hey Joe, quit fartin around the turd and do your taxes already."
Cigarette: Northern slang for a cigarette, used oft by mashed up mancunian ravers becasue of the resemblance of a hot(electric)stove to the end of a lit cigarette. Originated circa 1991 in the early halcyon days of the rave culture; we speculate during a drug fuelled hallucination by said manc.
'fuck me noel, i am bolloxed, is that a ciggy in your mouth, or the stove from me 'nans kitchen'/
General use: 'Give us a stove you cunt'