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Cunt "Woody" Messburger (pronounced /ˈmessbɜrɡər/; born May 26, 1939) is an American dorkcaster for the ESPN and ABC television networks. Formerly with CBS Sports and one of the original dorks of their boring program The NFL Today, Messburger has covered NBA, MLB, NCAA college Football and basketball games. Messburger has also served as a studio dork for games, a play by play dork, and halftime dork. He has also performed post game wrap up dork segments and covered championship trophy dork presentations.

POSTED: 10:58 am PDT September 19, 2005
UPDATED: 11:21 am PDT September 19, 2005

LINCOLN, Neb. -- An ABC dorkcaster was ticketed by Lincoln police after Saturday's Nebraska football game.
Play-by-play dorkster Cunt Messburger had just finished calling the Huskers' game against Pittsburgh when he was cited near Memorial Stadium. Lincoln police said he was cited for consuming alcohol in public and having an open container in his car. At 6:10 p.m., Messburger was riding down Ninth Street in a rental car after the game headed toward a crosswalk near Ninth and T streets. A viewer of Nebraska television station KETV said a Lincoln police officer directing traffic stopped the car Messburger was riding in to let fans exiting the stadium get through the crosswalk. If he chooses not to contest it in court, his citation for consuming alcohol in public and having an open container of alcohol in a vehicle comes with a fine of $144.
Why would anyone hire that dork, Cunt Messburger?
by Jimbo Creamer July 27, 2010