"In the early times before before the time of man Vishgula created the heavens and 27 earth like planets. he then created his first intelligent species, the cabbage. for the longest time cabbages were the dominate species of earth until Vishgula created other species of vegetables such as carrots and tomatoes(Yes, tomatoes are vegetables you idiots). for nearly a century their was peace until a radish of the name of Natas challenged Vishgula for supreme rule of the cosmos. this sparked a great civil war between vegetables many battles were fought and planets utterly destroyed in this great war later referred as the vitian war. to put an end to this conflict Vishgula created his personal badass, Chuck Norris the first man. After the creation of Chuck Norris the war slowly began to come to an end Chuck Norris was able to drink all the water of the world slowly withering all the vegetables to death, and when it did Natas was sentenced to his own realm to be trapped forever. and all the other vegetables were to lose all their intelligent thought making them the food of lesser species. although in recent years Natas was able to escape the vegetable like hell and take the form of a human, Hilary Clinton, if she is to become president then the entire world will be damned for eternity in a new age of vegetableness.
The sprout of mankind started after the war because Vishgula was very proud of his creation Chuck Norris. soon Vishgula started to create man, but fearing an uprising he made them much weaker than the first of our kind. and for many years there were only men on the earth realizing the sausagefest he had created Vishgula decided to create another form of man, the woman. The womans original purpose was to keep a clean house, fix meals, and sex. it is the pagan religions much like Christianity that would lead you to believe things of this nature are sexist. this is a brief history of how everything was created."
The Church of the Giant Cabbage Monster was founded by a group of teenagers at a party. This religion worships Vishgula, the cabbage-monster god.
The background of this religion is spotchy and the "Prophet" and his "Preists" are continously adding information about the past times.
May it be from a Greek-like Titan war, which they call the "Vitan War", to Natas, which is Satan backwards. They claim their living Natas to be Hillary Clinton.
Best Church EVER!