|1.||Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences (ACPHS)|
ACPHS has been over-loading minds and torturing young adults since it's birth in 1881. It is known to be the leading cause of premature (meaning under the age of 25) gray-ing of the hair. ACPHS takes pride in its lack of grass and its abundance of mud. Unfortunately, ACPHS commonly sees its fair share of campus rapes. The victim is typically stressed, exhausted, brain-dead, and hasn't seen the sun in about a week. The violator is tricky and cunning and can take the shape of either a scantron, or blackboard. But recently the college has been working hard to fix this problem. For example, a Coldstone Creamery was introduced to the campus just this year so that rape victims can take in ten times the allotted # of calories for one week in one sitting. This solution does not completely eliminate stress but it is proven to effectively put off stress, and if you're lucky, add a complimentary bundle of guilt. All in all, ACPHS has successfully shaped many optimistic, bright young students into jaded, and depressingly apathetic adults. The institution looks forward to looking over your application as soon as possible (And by looking over your application I mean begin collecting your soul).
Student #1: "How'd you do on the test?"
Student #2: "I feel like I was just raped"
Student #1: "Me too!"
Student #2: "Yeah! let's go get Coldstone and eat all of our feelings!"
Student #1: "Sounds great!"
Student #2: "Gotta love Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences (ACPHS)!!!!"