When you are caucasian, travel to Africa, and get a crusty rash on the edges of each side of your pretty little mouth from drinking out of dirty-ass glasses. Generally coupled with a slightly swollen, evenly bumpy, pink rash on your right, inside forearm. The mouth rash is slightly swollen as well and a little crispy, while the forearm rash is of a consistent texture all the way through and is more soft and gentle.
I went to Africa because I had to, and after sleeping in a giant net, I woke up with a fucking African rash.
I knew I had the African rash because when I googled my symptoms, all the fake online doctors had no idea what I was talking about because they are all assholes.