Adjective describing a person(s) who has just enough brain cells to survive; devoid of common sense and mental aptitude.
Dave is such a tool. I bet he can't even wipe his own ass. He's functionally-retarded.
People suck. Most of the general public is functionally-retarded.
People suck. Most of the general public is functionally-retarded.
by Brett319 June 17, 2008
Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.
Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".
Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.
Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.
by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016
When a person smokes enough marijuana to feel its effects, but not enough to alter competence at regular daily tasks or create a lasting low after the effects have worn off.
Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.
Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.
Person 1: I just got some killer bud from a friend of mine. Wanna smoke?
Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.
Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.
by DJAlexxander September 7, 2011
by pandaboi031518 April 22, 2023
by wordfacts April 14, 2010
When you use a vape (mflb) to smoke bud and it hit's just right and you are able to go out and be high with people around, but no one notices.
Person: Dude how are you able to go out a be yourself and still be high?
Me: I use a (mflb) and it hit's just right, so it gives me a functional high.
Me: I use a (mflb) and it hit's just right, so it gives me a functional high.
by Andy'sCandy February 1, 2016
When you're so damn over it, so any task that requires you to put on shoes is beyond your scope of capabilities
No, Laura. I don't care if Alan is coming to the party, I'm not going. I'm barefoot functional right now
by sonky1234 March 30, 2023