Mercury Retrograde 

A scapegoat for astrologists to use when shit happens.

Everything in my life is going wrong! It must be Mercury Retrograde.

Mercury Retrograde by Symeli May 28, 2010

mercury retrograde 

A three week period in which the planet Mercury to appears to be in backwards motion.

during this time human beings experience many adverse effects, such as memory loss, loss of time, loss of items, loss of virginity, loss of common sense. As for technology many unexpected glitches occur during this time, such as software crashes and emails getting lost

2000 November - Bush-Gore election
2006 July - Zidane head butts Materatzi in World Cup final
2006 July - Israel / Hezbollah brew ha ha
2006 July - Software companies experiences unforseen glitches

I can't believe Zidane headbutted that I-talian guy in such an important game, must be mercury retrograde

smart guy: Hey guys its August, we all made it through Mercury Retrograde without any glitches

co-workers: uhhh its July still.

smart guy: God damn it, MERCURY RETROGRADE

mercury retrograde by justapaperbag July 26, 2006

Mercury retrograde 

Mercury retrograde is the act of taking a shit whilst mooning one or more human beings. Your day can typically being going well, according to your horoscope, until you are forced into witnessing Mercury retrograde. Performing Mercury retrograde will often speed the astrological cycle forward for the individual performing the Mercury retrograde, bringing about happy and fruitful times to come.

As the sun sank down over the pier, the children fishing gazed in horror as the lard-ass on his flat bottom boat sent the lakeshore into Mercury retrograde.

Mercury retrograde by BatWingg May 17, 2021

Mercury retrograde 

Mercury retrograde is the act of taking a shit whilst moaning one or more human beings' names. Your day can typically being going well, according to your horoscope, until you are forced into witnessing Mercury retrograde. Performing Mercury retrograde will often speed the astrological cycle forward for the individual performing the Mercury retrograde, bringing about happy, fruitful, and beneficial times to come

As the sun sank down over the pier, the children who were out fishing gazed in horror as the lord lard-ass on his flat bottom boat sent the lakeshore into his own mercury retrograde

Mercury retrograde by ♥🗺☠ June 4, 2021

Mercury in retrograde 

A woman is acting strangely because she is menstruating. It is believed in astrology that Mercury being in retrograde motion cause people, particularly women, to behave oddly.

Hey Greg, Sarah is bonkers today. Is Mercury in retrograde?

Mercury in retrograde by Jezzmund April 27, 2017

Mercury Retrograde by Proxy 

When you are not affected by Mercury retrograde yourself... but everyone around is. Hence you end up suffering during a Mercury Retrograde nevertheless, by having to put up with everyone else's drama.

Later that morning : work continued awfully and threatened to spoil my day. Despite me being fastidiously careful, people tried to blame me for things which went wrong anyway. In other words, I had managed to transcend the effects of the Mercury Retrograde today, but my managers and co-workers had not, so I had to deal with their bullshit, nonetheless. In effect, I suffered from Mercury Retrograde by Proxy.

- Alex Sumner

Mercury Retrograde by Proxy by Doctor Pinch January 11, 2023

Murphy in Retrograde 

A special time in the universe when, everything that can, will go Right.

After I found my lost class ring, and the Prize Patrol knocked on my door, I knew that was, Murphy in Retrograde.

Murphy in Retrograde by Chefspam March 20, 2015