A well known author read mostly by an older, more seasoned demographic. Koontz is defined by a descriptive, fluid and mature writing style and storylines that fall far outside the mainstream into what many times can be considered almost indescribable in their uniqueness. Koontz has tackled a wide array of subjects from mind control and behavioral modification (The Door to December) to sociopathic serial killers (Intensity) to the truly supernatural (Tick Tock, Darkfall). Often times disrespected by young pricks that have never read two words of one of his novels because they prefer to act smart by talking about Stephen King when in reality they've never read two words of one of his novels, either. Dean Koontz will never gain the mainstream press and praise of most other well known writers, but he has been in the game for a long time and has a very big fan base devoted to his finely crafted works of fiction.
Zach: "Hey man. I just finished this Dean Koontz book called The Servants of Twilight, it was pretty rad."
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
by Whatever's Clever August 31, 2008
1. An ultraconservative, hack bestselling author with no discernible writing skills whatsoever, read (and defended) by semi-literate Neanderthals who consider his tripe "real good writin'." Books are characterized by stilted dialogue, senseless plotting, intrusive author's voice, messy tone, surface characterization, tired genre tropes, laugh out loud resolutions, and metaphors so sloppy they would make a six-year-old roll her eyes.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Dean: "I picked up a new Dean Koontz today at Walgreens for 50% off."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
by KingofCali008 December 30, 2011
another name for yr poonanny, your vag, yr cunt ...
alternately
to be used in place of calling someone a cunt.
alternately
to be used in place of calling someone a cunt.
by zeev March 12, 2008
Dean Koontz is a pioneer of fictional descriptive novels. He owns many golden retrievers.
Alternative definition: Splonald Squanson
Alternative definition: Splonald Squanson
Me to my friend: "You're a Dean Koontz."
My friend: "Why thank you, sir."
Me: "You're not welcome."
My friend: "DEAAAANN!"
Me: "Creamy :)"
My friend: "Why thank you, sir."
Me: "You're not welcome."
My friend: "DEAAAANN!"
Me: "Creamy :)"
by Hank Boontz May 5, 2021
A lightskin male that doxxes little kids because his mom never loved him as a child and wishes on every child he comes in touch with downfall..
Lia: J KOONTZ DELETED MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT.. what a loser who deletes instagram accounts for fun lmfao get a life
Jus: taco balls
Jus: taco balls
by tacoballs666 February 8, 2022