fartography
the study of the interrelations between fart and place.
by analogy: as "terroir" is to wine, so is fartography to flatulence.
the most skilled fartographers are able to identify with uncommon specificity not only the ethnic background of the individual who authored a particular fart, but also the kind of food that person ate, whether or not his or her ancestors grew up near a farm or at high altitude, and whether he or she is lactose intolerant.
fartography is a fascinating discipline whose implications are only now becoming clear.
among pioneering practitioners, Johnald G. Stinkefeller is notable for his contributions to the field.
by analogy: as "terroir" is to wine, so is fartography to flatulence.
the most skilled fartographers are able to identify with uncommon specificity not only the ethnic background of the individual who authored a particular fart, but also the kind of food that person ate, whether or not his or her ancestors grew up near a farm or at high altitude, and whether he or she is lactose intolerant.
fartography is a fascinating discipline whose implications are only now becoming clear.
among pioneering practitioners, Johnald G. Stinkefeller is notable for his contributions to the field.
civilian: jesus! what the hell is that smell?
fartographer: indeed, indeed. that most certainly is an emission from a person of subcontinental origin.
civilian: goodness gracious! well, i daresay...
fartographer: moreover, said person seems to have a particularly hearty meal of boeuf bourguignonne. the sulfuric notes suggest a person with a severe allergy to gluten, as well as a miniaturized anal aperture which undoubtedly contributes to the floral top note. i would suggest that the person in question is...
civilian: damn you, stinkefeller!
fartographer: you. you farted. and that's how fartography works, son.
fartographer: indeed, indeed. that most certainly is an emission from a person of subcontinental origin.
civilian: goodness gracious! well, i daresay...
fartographer: moreover, said person seems to have a particularly hearty meal of boeuf bourguignonne. the sulfuric notes suggest a person with a severe allergy to gluten, as well as a miniaturized anal aperture which undoubtedly contributes to the floral top note. i would suggest that the person in question is...
civilian: damn you, stinkefeller!
fartographer: you. you farted. and that's how fartography works, son.
fartography by trilliam turdsworth December 23, 2018
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