1 definition by zac mcclendon

Top Definition
The most blessed item on earth (other than beer and sex). People who smoke pay more taxes therefore we are patriotic. Cigarettes are usually found with a filter. People who don't smoke should invest in a filter, bitches. God knows, I would never smoke without one. In today's modern society, smokers are a rare breed of people who could give two shits about health, yellow skin, and stinky clothes because we realize that cough medicine is good, it'll help you get better. Soap will make your skin a normal color, and for God's sake, if your clothes stink, then wash them. And ater all, your gonna die someday, and who the hell wants to be old with wrinkly balls and a penis that no longer works? I will most likley never quit smoking because...
A) It is my civic duty to put into our government system.
2) I'm not a big fan of old people, don't wanna become one.
C) It pisses people off something fierce.
Next) Beer does not reach it's maximum potential in taste without the wonderful taste of a Camel Light.
5) I want to die of something of my choosing, when I get lung caner, the doctors will put me on so much pain medication that I will not notice that the copious amounts of blood that I am coughing out have put my cigarette out.
F) Shit, the movie stars do it.

Times To Smoke:
-When stressed
-After sex
-While drinking
-After waking up
-Before going to sleep
-While playing poker
-While bored
-While on smoke break
-Before meals
-After meals
-When driving
-When drowsy
-When drunk
-When confused
-While deep in thought
-When around others who smoke
-When writing this definition
-When scared
-When nervous
-When around people who DON'T smoke
-When doing laundry (i.e. stinky clothes)
-Upon buying a new pack
-When introducing yourself
-When you are living life to it's fullest
-When living fast and dying young
-When drinking coffee
-When coughing
-While watching a movie
-When angry
-After class

These are just a few good reasons and times to smoke. If you do not like smoking, do not smoke. If you do not like cigarette smoke, get a filter. If you don't like smokers, don't date them. And for fuck's sake, DON'T i repeat, DON'T tell a smoker that smoking is bad, we already know and furthermore...we don't care.
-
Johnny Non-smoker: "You know, smoking is bad for your health."
Me: "OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK FUCKING CHRIST, YOU SAVED ME, I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WAS BAD FOR MY HEALTH, I'm so glad that a person such as yourself has come into my life and saved me from the dangers of cigarettes. You are truley a blessed person."
Johnny Non-Smoker: "Well, man, I thought it was just the right thing to do."
Me: "Oh wait, I forgot, I could give two shits, I hope you die of second hand smoke. Where the fuck is my lighter?"
by zac mcclendon May 31, 2006

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