The reason why your bike's missing, your sister's pregnant, and the economy's fucked up. Normally spotted monkeying around on porches or playing jigaboo with your daughter, the average coon typically hibernates while it's unemployed until it has to get a "job", at which point works for half a week then quits, completing it's cycle of life right back where it started. A coon is identifiable by it's dark skin, various "bling", or it's mating call of playing loud rap music through a shitty pimped out 85 station wagon it stole from it's mom. They have traits of cock roaches, being able to survive gun shots, knives, and even nuclear weapons. Much like cock roaches, they are known to nest by the hundreds, laying eggs of deceit all over your neighborhood. Ironically, these eggs often hatch the coon into a prison cell Luckily, coons are highly territorial, and the number one cause of a coon's death is from other coons, which thins out the herd. Maybe one day the coon will become extinct, a product of it's own nature.
Who let all these god damn coons into America? And who keeps feeding the fuckers?