sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions

boil foiled

when a lady's or gentleman's underpant region become increasingly bothered, horny, moist, or brought to the boil a situation comes up which negates or foils the sensation.

A hard on boil that becomes foiled.

1: Watching late night TV for a bit of self loving when a picture of Karen Matthews, Cilla Black or Jade Goody comes on and your 'rock' becomes a 'flop'

2: When a lady is watching late night TV in the hopes that a bit of twisted gaymensex comes on and instead find nothing but Karen Matthews, Cilla Black and Jade Goody lezzing out.

3: Wanking over Britney when you realise you're her Dad.Boil Foiled.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008

fuckmas

What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'

At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008

ejokeulate

ejokeulate is what happens when something soooo funny happens that you either can't stop laughing, wet yourself or have an orgasm.

Samantha: What's wrong with you?
Carl: I just saw a pensioner fall over trying to eat a creamcake. I think I ejokeulated.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008

dicebag

to fit an non specified amount of Call of Cthulhu Dice into one's foreskin.

Towhit, bringing a fully loaded pink dicebag to a D & D session.

Katherine: Hey, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Yeah?

Katherine: I couldn't help but notice that you have placed seven multifaceted number shapes into your foreskin. Explain.

Jimmy:Well you women have got Velvet Goldmines and us men have dicebags. This is mine. Revel in my splendor,bitch.

Katherine: Twat. (Walks away to go spend his money online.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish May 29, 2008

Doctor Poo

Popular euphemism for 'I'm going to go do Doctor Poo.'

Other meanings of Doctor Poo are as follows,
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Shaking hands with Tom Titt
Choking a dark demon
Doing Ertha Kitt
My arse was just sick
Talking to god on the porcelain telephone
and the best one...
emailing your boss's letterbox with a dirty attachment.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 20, 2008

bottom bollocks

Where a fit young girl has top bollocks, an older chesticularly gravity afflicted lady will have bottom bollocks.

1:)
Ricky: Bianca, can I touch your bottom bollocks?
Bianca: What are you trying to say? 'Ave I got saggy tits or sumfing?
Ricky: Well,I'd be lying if I said no, but they're still really nice and...OWW...wotchoo 'it me for you daft facking woman.

2:)
Lindsay Lohan, in 30 years.
Catherine Zeta, in 15 years.
Ellen Degeneres, now.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009

Fartinate

That strange feeling when having an abnormally lengthy piddle when from nowhere a torrent of farts emanate from the anus.

Max: When I was having a slash a minute ago I'm sure I fartinated. Have you ever done that?
TERRENCE: Only when whizzing on your Mum
MAX: WHAT?!
TERRENCE: Nothing. got any pies?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008