sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions
1:) cuntanet: The online interwebbing tool invented a thousand years ago by people who obviously want other people to be able to get in touch with them because the telephone and the front door weren't inconvienient enough.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
2:)A place to which all 10% of non porn is given over to people who have no lives. EG: gamers, moaners, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreaders, newslisteners, mothers who try to ban kids books when they should be being mothers. Essentially anyone not doing, watching or making porn use the cuntanet.
STEVE: Yo, Dude where the hell are you?
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
DAVE: I'm on the cuntanet.
STEVE: The what?
DAVE: The cuntanet.
STEVE: Yeah, I heard, I'm not deaf. What the fuck is the cuntanet?
DAVE: It's where us bloggers, gamers, whiners, diners, bankers, wankers, politicians, newsreader, newlisteners, mothers, facebookers,bebo-ers and myspacers waste our time, lives, potential-full futures because the world and human society has become a vapid tract of poo, where all need of entelechy has dissipated from our causal descent of beginning and end.
STEVE: So, it's your stupid name for the internet.
DAVE: Why don't you go practise your grapholagnia?
STEVE:Because you're too busy in the bathroom practising your emunctionon your anus.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 22, 2009
Get the cuntanet mug.The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.
PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?
SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.
PATRICK: Sphincter.
SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.
PATRICK: Sphincter.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009
Get the bapjizm mug.An 'imdbber' is somebody who subscribes to IMDB or is constantly online everynight about 10ish looking up new episodes of Doctor Who, looking for the new Star Trek film's sequel, hurriedly awaiting news on the reboot of Superman or else trying to get any on-the-spot-information about the next Narnia flick. Or else scanning through the fit-one-that-plays-Susan's twitter entries.
Er, me.
Matthew Waterhouse, desperatley waiting for a stalker to find him so he can be Adric again in a hostage situation.
Leonard Nimoy is an imdbber. Online at home about 10ish, looking up to see if anybody in Iceland doisn't know he was Spock. (And no saddos not Kerry Katona Iceland. The place Bjork is from. Gimboids.)
Matthew Waterhouse, desperatley waiting for a stalker to find him so he can be Adric again in a hostage situation.
Leonard Nimoy is an imdbber. Online at home about 10ish, looking up to see if anybody in Iceland doisn't know he was Spock. (And no saddos not Kerry Katona Iceland. The place Bjork is from. Gimboids.)
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 7, 2009
Get the imdbber mug.'Asstrix' is the story of a Gaulish pornstar that shagged her way through every Roman Legion that Rome sent her way.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 19, 2009
Get the Asstrix mug.A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 20, 2009
Get the dreast mug.Any person, male or female, in a film, book, game, stageplay etc that is acting in a pretentious, less than eroic manner, who ruins completely an otherwise good story.
Examples of a captain jirk are...
David from Shaun of the Dead
The Dolmen from Star Trek TOS Episode 'Elaan of Troyus'
Cypher from The Matrix
The Dursley's from Harry Potter series of books and films
Caligula from real life history and the film 'The Robe'
Brad from Superman 3
Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark
Etc.
David from Shaun of the Dead
The Dolmen from Star Trek TOS Episode 'Elaan of Troyus'
Cypher from The Matrix
The Dursley's from Harry Potter series of books and films
Caligula from real life history and the film 'The Robe'
Brad from Superman 3
Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark
Etc.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 23, 2009
Get the captain jirk mug.MAN#1: Look at that old lady, I bet she's going to bend a quack
MAN#2: No she's not, she just picking up her car keys.
OLD LADY: Excuse me young man, where are the toilets? I've just shat meself on account of the quack I just bent.
MAN#2: No she's not, she just picking up her car keys.
OLD LADY: Excuse me young man, where are the toilets? I've just shat meself on account of the quack I just bent.
by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 25, 2010
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