plus-size albert's definitions

Old Agoura

A neighborhood in the eastern part of Agoura Hills, CA. It is known as the original "Agoura" community before it became an official city in 1982. It is a bizarre mixture of mansions, miniature farms where people raise horses, and dimly lit warehouses where high schoolers will do burn-outs. For anyone who doesn't own a horse or car, it is hell to get from A to B without twisting your ankle, this is because the area has no actual sidewalks. As "peaceful" as the area seems during the day, it actually has the highest crime rate in the eastern Conejo valley. This is mainly because of it's no streetlight policy, which makes it pitch-black at night. Thus, allowing low-lifers from the SF valley to break into cars and slip away into the night. This also allows Agoura High students to commit most of their shenanigans here. So you will be cruising by white-picket fences with people brushing horses, turn a corner, and see an ENTIRE wall tagged with random graffiti, or you'll be chilling in your backyard and hear tires screeching a block over. Of course, the adults are clueless about this and it'll be up to you to keep your valuables safe. Although the Brightside is, it has lots of great hiking trails, so that you can twist your ankle faster :).

"You know, Old Agoura actually has the highest crime rate in Agoura Hills." - teen
"Oh no it doesn't! You kids don't know how good you have it!" - clueless adult

by plus-size albert December 20, 2020

LVUSD

A school district in the southwest pocket of Los Angeles County, CA (Agoura Hills, Westlake Village, Calabasas, Eastern Conejo valley). It has many glaring problems. Including, but not limited to, the higher-ups being so hippie-dippy that they do not having ANY security at any of their schools. The only "security" that the schools have are the local sheriff's deputies, who could care less about their jobs because they are completely powerless. It's also famous for having abusive teachers who will scream at you for just accidently wandering into the teacher's lounge, or will yank your arm around because you aren't understanding a math problem. Though they don't get in trouble, because when something happens, they just get transferred to a different school like aggressive killer whales at sea world. The principle of Lindero Canyon Middle School was transferred, not because of business reasons, but because of how much she bullied kids and just didn't do her job correctly. In fact, I think she got PROMOTED. The teachers who aren't straight-up abusive are far-left commies that will shove "America bad" propaganda down your throat any chance they get. Students who do things like...... THROW WATER AT TEACHERS, DO get arrested by the school cop, but they are allowed to show up in class the next day so that the school can maintain it's "blue ribbon schools" status. If you are able to survive any of the schools belonging to this district, then you have my FULL respect.

"LVUSD is a great school district!" -clueless soccer mom

by plus-size albert January 2, 2021

Lil' T

The slang name for an apartment complex in Agoura Hills, CA. People calling it "Lil' T" many times translates to "Little Tijuana". This is because of the prominent Hispanic population, the bland and prison-like design of the apartments, and the amount of outlandish and crazy things that happen there.

"Where does your friend live, again?"
"Oh he lives in Lil' T."
"Oh, yikes..."

by plus-size albert November 23, 2020

Conejo valley

A region of southern California that consists of southern Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park, Westlake Village, Agoura Hills, a little bit of Calabasas, and Oak Park which is actually not apart of this region or county, but is considered one of the region's neighborhoods. Each one of these "communities" has a specific trait:
Thousand Oaks/Newbury Park: Working class Simi Valley - type people
Westlake Village: Skater teens and rich adults
Agoura Hills: Wannabe gangster teens who do drugs and tag walls in parking lots, and redneck adults who are friendly but clueless about these incidents

Calabasas: Rich people but bad schools

Oak Park: Pot heads and insane/unexpected news, like kidnappings and pedophiles

"I live in Conejo Valley."

"Oh yeah? Which city?"
"Oak park"
"Huh?"

by plus-size albert November 22, 2020

California Cowboy

A person from California who is conservative and gung - ho. A personality that contradicts the typical Californian

"I love California but I've never really fit in"
"Yeah, you're just a California cowboy"

by plus-size albert May 23, 2021

Old Agoura

The neighborhood of eastern Agoura Hills, CA. It is an area of the city reserved for farmhouses and horse owners. It is filled with bored-wannabe-gangster teens and cowboys. It has the highest crime rate, not just in Agoura Hills, but in the whole area due to the no street-light policy, which is in place to reduce light pollution, making it easier for people to get away with things without being seen. It has no sidewalks, which makes it very difficult to get from A to B without twisting your ankle (speaking from experience). It is also surrounded by dimly-lit warehouses and office buildings making it even more prone to sketchy characters from the highway and Agoura High-schoolers to committing thugery in the 69th degree. Beside that, it's really nice in the day, though.

"Wanna hang out in Old Agoura?" -dude #1
"Nah, someone stole my bike" -dude#2
"Again?!" -dude#1

by plus-size albert November 28, 2020