14 definitions by nigel fleming

Top Definition
The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.
Christ on a bike, that curry last night was so hot I had to abort a turd, it absolutely killed!
by Nigel Fleming July 09, 2006

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A white or cream coloured turd. Often dismissed as an urban legend, I assure you, these gems do exist. Very rare and the source of much amusement to all who see one, they usually make themselves apparant in the work place or at school.
I could have laughed myself silly seeing that albino turd in the school toilets, what a sight!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

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The act of masterbating after not having had sex with your partner, but not just anywhere, no, this is done in the same bed as your other half! One must be as quiet as possible so as not to wake up your partner and being caught can results in serious consequences ranging from repulsion to rejection, as I have found out to my cost!
Heh, Nigel, did you get any action last night from your lady?
No chance, that frigid bitch wasn't giving out at all, I had a frustrated wank instead and to be honest, I enjoyed it more than sex!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

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The act of masterbating in secret without anybody noticing. Usually done behind a bush or whilst peering through a gap in the blinds, looking directly at the subject of your filthy attention. A real art when perfected.
I saw a cracking looking girl on the sidewalk outside my house yesterday and couldn't resist knocking off a crafty wank from my bedroom as she stood there!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

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An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!
Oh my God, half an hour it took me to drop that stubborn turd from my arse, but boy was it worth the wait!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

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A lady of the night who will perform any sordid act for the meagre price of a tuppeny bit( Old British coin). These women roamed the streets around the start of the 20th century, waiting for men to cross their filthy palms with the modern day equivalent of the price of a cup of coffee. Very skanky ladies indeed.
I say Humphry, have you any plans this evening?
Why no Henry, shall we partake of a tuppeny whore a piece, then retire to our wives?
by Nigel Fleming July 19, 2006

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A particularlt revolting smell expelled from your anus that has the aroma of a rotten, dying egg.
Oh my God, can you smell that? Some bastard has just dropped a dead egg!
by Nigel Fleming July 06, 2006

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