nicholas d's definitions

first poster

A person whose main goal in life is to post first on an internet video, picture, or anything else that allows comments. Usually this person will simply post "First!" or something along those lines rather than making an insightful or meaningful comment. First posters, while they themselves often believe that they are serving a valuable purpose and/or accomplishing something by being first, are generally disrespected by much of the rest of the online community.

First poster #1: "I was the first to post on a Failblog picture on March 17, 2008. It ended up getting 946 comments."
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"

by Nicholas D July 27, 2009

hittle ball

A hypothetical form of the game wiffle ball (also spelled whiffle ball) that involves players with skill. Used in insults. Similar effect as minton or goodminton in the game of badminton.

John: "Ok, throw it. This one's going to be right in my wheelhouse and it's heading straight over the fence."
(Bill pitches ball, John whiffs)
Bill: "That's strike three - sit your ass down!"
John: "Whatever man, you got lucky there. I'm going to crush it next time I get up."
Bill: "You know, this game used to be called hittle ball before you started playing."

by Nicholas D March 10, 2009

on some (blank) shit

To be currently engaged in (blank) activity, or behaving in the manner of (blank).

NOTE: The exception to the grammatical syntax of this saying is when the word in the blank is "bullshit" or another word ending in "shit." In such a case the second "shit" would be redundant, so it is omitted, and the saying is simply, "on some bullshit."

"Now I ain't even on no rap shit no more.
I'm on some fuckin' you up shit when I see you.
And I will see you too."
-Eminem, "Girls"

Translation: "From the current point on, creating rap music is not not no longer my top priority. On the contrary, I will primarily concern myself with causing you physical harm the next time we encounter each other. As a footnote, rest assured that I such an encounter will indeed occur."
Notice the speaker's cunning usage of a triple negative in the first 'on some (blank) shit' which is meant to confuse the listener.

"But you on some bullshit, nigga.
This yo' last beer.
Get the fuck off my dick
And tell yo' bitch to bring her ass here."
-D12, "Blow My Buzz"

Translation: "However, my African-American acquaintance, the manner in which you are conducting yourself is not appropriate. Since you appear to be intoxicated, I will see to it that you do not consume another fermented malted barley beverage. I demand that you cease your excessive flattery and encourage your female friend to approach me."

"On some real shit.
I gotta be the best.
I gotta stay fresh.
I represent the West."
-Daz, "On Some Real Shit"

Translation: "That which I am about to disclose, I will disclose in absolute honesty. I must achieve the absolute pinnacle of my profession. I must remain stylish and continue to produce original material. I consider myself to be a personification of the entire Western region of the United States."

by Nicholas D October 21, 2009

whack the 'cock

To play badminton; to hit the shuttlecock ('cock) around.

Pete: "Yo dogg, want to go out and whack the 'cock around for awhile?"
Ken: "No thanks. I'm just going to hang out here and masturbate."

by Nicholas D March 10, 2009

better place tax

A figurative tax that's imposed on people who do a job that benefits society, or as the "Silicon Valley" cliche goes, "makes the world a better place." Because more people want to do meaningful jobs than worthless ones, the pay tends to be lower. The opposite is the douchebag bonus, where someone makes more money for doing a job that contributes zero or negative value to society.

Jimmy works as as a researcher who has made significant advances in cancer treatment, but he only makes $70k a year because of the better place tax. Meanwhile, Chazz the hedge fund manager gets a huge douchebag bonus and managed to rake in $10 million last year even though all he did was lose a bunch of rich people a bunch of money.

by Nicholas D July 25, 2015

that's what she didn't say

A phrase that signifies that a person's prior remark could have been interpreted sexually while also insulting the (presumably male) speaker. Means that no woman would ever say such a thing about that person because it would be blatantly untrue. If the target of the comment is female, the related saying that's what he didn't say should be used.

Tim: "Hey man, check out big-ass bag of weed I scored from Sampson. Let's blaze this shit up."
Dave: "Wow, I've never seen one that big!"
Tim: "That's what she didn't say!"
Dave: "Ah, you got me there. I guess everyone knows I have a 3-inch penis."
Tim: "Well, I was just joking, but they do now!"

by Nicholas D December 18, 2012

jenny from the block

A term referring to someone who fronts like he/she is down with the hood but has in reality led a privileged upper- or upper-middle class existence for most of his/her life. Comes from the ridiculous song of the same name by J-Lo, who is a known prima donna and knows next to nothing about life in the ghetto.

Dave (after making shot and getting fouled): "And one."
Kevin: "What?!? Like hell I fouled you on that!"
Dave: "Who cares, man? I schooled your ass anyway. Count it."
Kevin: "Whoa. You better check yo self, dogg. You can't be calling that shit in street ball games. Somebody would bust a cap in your ass. You're lucky I didn't pack heat today."
Dave: "Ha, like you know anything about street ball."
Kevin: "I've been around, man. I used to play in a game where like half of the people were black."
Dave: "Wow. Did you really just say that?"
Bill: "Yeah, I bet you got into some really rough games growing up in that $5 million mansion in Atherton."
Kevin: "Whatever. I also played ball with our landscapers all the time as a kid and they were straight from the barrio, muchachos."
Dave: "Dude..."
Bill: "Give it a rest, Kevin. Nobody buys your bullshit. We all know you're a total jenny from the block."

by Nicholas D January 18, 2012