nicholas d's definitions
A person whose main goal in life is to post first on an internet video, picture, or anything else that allows comments. Usually this person will simply post "First!" or something along those lines rather than making an insightful or meaningful comment. First posters, while they themselves often believe that they are serving a valuable purpose and/or accomplishing something by being first, are generally disrespected by much of the rest of the online community.
First poster #1: "I was the first to post on a Failblog picture on March 17, 2008. It ended up getting 946 comments."
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"
by Nicholas D July 27, 2009
Get the first postermug. Winona Ryder would have been able to make off with $10 worth of CVS merchandise if it wasn't for that damn security alarm.
Bernie Madoff really "made off" (pun intended) with his investors' money.
Bernie Madoff really "made off" (pun intended) with his investors' money.
by Nicholas D March 15, 2009
Get the make offmug. Acronym for collateralized debt obligation, a funding tool that banks use to package up a bunch of bonds (often subprime mortgage backed), then divide the package up into new bonds and sell them after skimming a few million dollars off the top. Usually called "diversified," but if you've got dog shit, horse shit, ape shit, and elephant shit, then you can call it whatever you want, but at the end of the day you're still just holding a gigantic pile of shit.
A way of putting lipstick on a pig that banks milked the hell out of from the mid-1990's til 2007. Unfortunately the banks got totally Bear Stearned when everyone saw through the lipstick and they were caught holding a whole sty of CDO pigs.
A way of putting lipstick on a pig that banks milked the hell out of from the mid-1990's til 2007. Unfortunately the banks got totally Bear Stearned when everyone saw through the lipstick and they were caught holding a whole sty of CDO pigs.
Banker: "I've got this great investment for you. It's called a CDO."
Sucker: "Um...I've heard bad things about those. What's so good about this one?"
Banker: "It's diversified! It's got subprime mortgage bonds from Kansas, subprime mortgage bonds from Georgia, subprime mortgage bonds from Nevada, and subprime mortgage bonds from Michigan!"
Sucker: "I've heard bad things about subprime - do you have anything else?"
Banker: "Of course! This other CDO is even MORE diversified. It's got Ninja loans, loans to homeless people to buy crack, Iraqi government debt, and loans to people that need some money to bet on the roulette wheel in Vegas. Of course there's almost NO chance that any of those people won't be able to pay back what they owe."
Sucker: "SOLD! Give me $10 million of it!"
Sucker: "Um...I've heard bad things about those. What's so good about this one?"
Banker: "It's diversified! It's got subprime mortgage bonds from Kansas, subprime mortgage bonds from Georgia, subprime mortgage bonds from Nevada, and subprime mortgage bonds from Michigan!"
Sucker: "I've heard bad things about subprime - do you have anything else?"
Banker: "Of course! This other CDO is even MORE diversified. It's got Ninja loans, loans to homeless people to buy crack, Iraqi government debt, and loans to people that need some money to bet on the roulette wheel in Vegas. Of course there's almost NO chance that any of those people won't be able to pay back what they owe."
Sucker: "SOLD! Give me $10 million of it!"
by Nicholas D March 26, 2008
Get the CDOmug. A legendary beirut/beer pong shot that lands on the tops of four cups simultaneously. Considered the rarest shot in the game, topping even the trifecta, 2-cup knockover-and-sink, and simultaneous 6-cup game-ending double bounce-in. Counts as 4 cups and has never happened in recorded history of the game, despite being theoretically possible.
So rare for the following reasons:
1) Only possible with smaller-than-average cups.
2) Only possible when cups are arranged in a perfect square formation (not possible in a standard game).
3) The physics of it happening are similar to those of the trifecta, which almost never happens in itself.
So rare for the following reasons:
1) Only possible with smaller-than-average cups.
2) Only possible when cups are arranged in a perfect square formation (not possible in a standard game).
3) The physics of it happening are similar to those of the trifecta, which almost never happens in itself.
Witnessing Dan's game-ending quadfecta in the semifinals of the Theta Delt beirut tournament was a thing of beauty comparable to seeing the face of God Himself smiling down on you from the heavens.
by Nicholas D December 24, 2007
Get the quadfectamug. A difficult situation that one experienced that is as traumatic and harrowing as fighting in a long and brutal war. Coined by Donald Trump in a 1997 interview with Howard Stern.
“I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there. It’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.” - Donald Trump, speaking about his experiences sleeping with a large number of loose women and trying to avoid catching STDs
Dude: "Hey bro, I heard the Philz Coffee near your office closed down. That's a bummer."
Bro: "Dude, you have no idea! It's been like my personal Vietnam. Now I've had two choices: 1) go without coffee or 2) go to freaking Starbucks and drink that swill! There's no other choice. I'm not sure I can go on like this anymore."
Dude: "Wow bro, that's really rough. I can see how that's similar to being tortured within an inch of your life in a prisoner of war camp for three years."
Bro: "Yeah, maybe even worse."
Dude: "Hey bro, I heard the Philz Coffee near your office closed down. That's a bummer."
Bro: "Dude, you have no idea! It's been like my personal Vietnam. Now I've had two choices: 1) go without coffee or 2) go to freaking Starbucks and drink that swill! There's no other choice. I'm not sure I can go on like this anymore."
Dude: "Wow bro, that's really rough. I can see how that's similar to being tortured within an inch of your life in a prisoner of war camp for three years."
Bro: "Yeah, maybe even worse."
by Nicholas D August 16, 2016
Get the personal Vietnammug. “All restaurants must close indoor and outdoor dining!” Gavin Newsom the Covypocrite proclaimed in between bites of white truffle covered foie gras at a large group indoor dinner at The French Laundry.
by Nicholas D December 2, 2020
Get the covypocritemug. Boss: "As you know, it's been a tough year. We've lost $4 billion. So your bonus this year is going to be...um...negative $100,000. So if you would be so kind as to go ahead and return the full amount of every paycheck you've received this year, that would be greeeeaaat, m'kay?"
Subprime mortgage trader: "What? That's not fair! It's not my fault! You're the one who decided to buy all those Ninja loans, CDOs, and Bear Stearns shares!"
Boss: "Too bad, chief. If you don't like it, vote with your feet."
Paul McCartney: "Bloody hell, woman - what's taking so long? Get me that sammich now!"
Heather Mills: "You can't treat me like this! I'm your wife, not your slave!"
Paul McCartney: "I'm Paul McCartney, bitch! If you've got a problem, vote with your feet! Oops, I mean vote with your FOOT...hahahahahahaha! "
(NOTE: for those who don't know, Heather Mills had her left leg amputated)
Subprime mortgage trader: "What? That's not fair! It's not my fault! You're the one who decided to buy all those Ninja loans, CDOs, and Bear Stearns shares!"
Boss: "Too bad, chief. If you don't like it, vote with your feet."
Paul McCartney: "Bloody hell, woman - what's taking so long? Get me that sammich now!"
Heather Mills: "You can't treat me like this! I'm your wife, not your slave!"
Paul McCartney: "I'm Paul McCartney, bitch! If you've got a problem, vote with your feet! Oops, I mean vote with your FOOT...hahahahahahaha! "
(NOTE: for those who don't know, Heather Mills had her left leg amputated)
by Nicholas D March 25, 2008
Get the vote with your feetmug.