martin duxon's definitions

Burial at sea

The dignified and serene delivery of a stool, without splashback.

To dispense with the contents of ones rectum; crimp one off; release a payload from the bomb bay; fire off a missile; smoke a bum cigar.

"it was like a burial at sea, a ghost poo even, there was no sound or splash or even anything on the paper and it vanished round the u-bend as though it was never even there."

by Martin Duxon August 6, 2003

fart art

Generally speaking, the term 'Fart Art' relates to the abstract contemporary art formed by the human arse at its most creative - usually involves brown, green or yellow paint of entirely organic origin, combined with an explosive, resonant fart. Fart Art is not often on public display, but common galleries for this particar form of artwork tend to be the inside of bog bowls or discarded underwear. Most Fart Artists are male for some obscure reason, although occasionally fart artisans of the female variety can be found amongst the ranks of students.

"I just got over a bout of dyssentry, but duuude! Did I blow some fart art!"

by Martin Duxon September 17, 2003

bum cigar

In polite after dinner conversation; a stool or dump.

"well, if you will excuse me ladies, i think I'll nip upstairs and light a bum cigar"

by Martin Duxon August 6, 2003

shyster

Shyster is derived from the German term scheisser, meaning literally “one who defecates,” from the verb scheissen, “to defecate,” with the English suffix -ster, “one who does,” substituted for the German suffix -er, meaning the same thing.

Generally used to describe someone who is untrustworthy, money grabbing and full of crap, particularly in the field of legal work for some reason.

My lawyers are a bunch of shysters

by Martin Duxon September 4, 2003

crop spraying

Crop spraying - explosive diarrhoea in which one decorates the toilet bowl with fart art in much the same way as a farmer sprays dung onto his field

Doctor to patient: "ah yes, its Mr Smith isnt it? So how are the bowels today, are we crop spraying or cable laying?"

by Martin Duxon July 17, 2003

anal announcement

To fart; the diction of friction caused by a passage of foul air through vibrating buttocks.

2. noun. A passage of said arse-speak; German rhetoric; a bottom burp; beef; poot; air biscuit; under thunder.

by Martin Duxon August 8, 2003

Irn Bru Poo

A condition arising after drinking too much of the soft drink "Irn Bru". Has the unusual effect of rendering your stools into particularly pungent dark, dense iron-like ingots that cut through the bog water as though it wasnt there, often producing considerable splashback and chipping the porcelain.

"I went to drown the chocolate slugs but it turned out to be a turd so big it couldnt be dispensed without vocal assistance, a groaner"

by Martin Duxon August 8, 2003