Mustang Asshole believes that they own the road, and have the fastest car on the planet. Doesn’t matter if their car is a stripped-down version, or has thousands of dollars put into engine performance; Mustang Asshole is simply Mustang Asshole. Mustang Asshole believes any auto racing movie should be nominated for an Oscar. Mustang Asshole often overinflates the amount of horsepower they tell each other they have, because they know that in reality, they will never race their cars and prove it. They LOVE to sit at stoplights and rev the engine, even if they can only race one city block before the next stop sign or stop light. Mustang Asshole usually is wearing sunglasses (no matter day or night) and often sports a backwards baseball hat and a thin, cheesy, shit-stain moustache. Mustang Asshole’s girlfriend is very impressed with Mustang Asshole, however knows no better because it’s the only guy she’s dated since childhood. Mustang Asshole often uses their Mustang as their Facebook or MySpace profile image, in the slim hopes that some desperate female will dig the car, and overlook their pubic hair transplants on their head. See Cigarette Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.

Shirtless Profile Asshole believes that they are God’s gift to social networking. In reality, they have nothing to offer, so Shirtless Profile Asshole snaps a photo (often fuzzy or dimly lit) and uses this as their MySpace and / or Facebook (or other predatory website) profile picture.

More often than not (although not necessarily a requirement for the definition), Shirtless Profile Asshole leaves their ugly face out of the image, which can only work to their advantage. Shirtless Profile Asshole usually sports some form of boring tribal arm band or barb wire tattoo. This is due to Shirtless Profile Asshole’s complete lack of originality in every aspect of their life.

Shirtless Profile Asshole most likely owns a crotch rocket or a Mustang (see Crotch Rocket Asshole and/or Mustang Asshole), which makes for the brain-wrenching choice of which stupid photo to use for their profile…their lame ride, or their zit-filled bare chest?

Lottery Ticket Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, deciding what scratch-off lottery ticket they will waste their unemployment benefits on. They are convinced that their odds of winning improve, depending on what the scratch-off ticket looks like. Therefore they spend an incredible amount of time debating the issue, pissing off everyone else waiting in line. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will even park their fat ass in front of the line, and scratch off the very ticket which they just purchased. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You will be waiting in line forever. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will leave the store and climb into their Mustang, hence creating the possibility of the dreaded and oh-too-common Lottery Ticket Asshole / Cigarette Asshole / Mustang Asshole combination.

Cigarette Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, describing to the cashier what cigarettes they choose to spend their unemployment benefits on and kill themselves with. The description is often something like “Kool 100 slim unfiltered menthols in a hard pack” hence confusing the befuddled cashier, and pissing off everyone else waiting in line. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You might as well shoot yourself or leave and try a different store. See Mustang Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.

Refinery Asshole is the guy that passes you on the interstate in his “dually pick ‘em up truck” doing 90 mph, because he’s on his way to his refinery job. Refinery Asshole drives like a jerk because Refinery Asshole also believes he is a NASCAR driver. Refinery Asshole believes that the refinery is incapable of operating without him. Refinery Asshole reeks of cigarettes, coffee, and refinery stink, and spends his entire day with his filthy, stinking books kicked up on his desk, bitching about how rotten his home life is, and how great he was back in high school football. Refinery Asshole’s “great-grandaddy”, “granddaddy”, and “daddy”, worked at the same refinery, and guess what ? Refinery Asshole’s son will also work there someday, carrying on the rich tradition. Refinery Asshole hopes that someday, his daughter will marry another Refinery Asshole. Refinery Asshole also believes that greasy, stinking Nomex suits qualify as “Sunday’s Best” in clothing.

Crotch Rocket Asshole believes that they own the road (which is directly contrary to Mustang Asshole), and have the fastest bike on the planet. Crotch Rocket Asshole weaves in and out of traffic, ignoring every traffic law that every other citizen has to obey. Crotch Rocket Asshole often pops wheelies in the middle of the street, which (I guess) only impresses Crotch Rocket Asshole’s underage girlfriend.

Crotch Rocket asshole is easily identifiable. Besides the obvious bike identification, Crotch Rocket Asshole often wears a gay leather jacket and pants combo that color match their bike, and often has a gay rubber Mohawk attached on top of their helmet. In reality, Crotch Rocket Asshole would never have the balls to sport a REAL mohawk in a million years. Crappy, faded, tribal armband and/or barb wire tattoos often adorn Crotch Rocket Asshole’s arm.

Crotch Rocket Asshole often uses their bike as their Facebook or MySpace profile image, in the slim hopes that some desperate female will dig the bike, and ignore the downsides of Crotch Rocket Asshole (namely the fact that the bike is their only means of transportation).

One can only hope that Crotch Rocket Asshole gets the shit beat out of them by Harley Rider.

See Cigarette Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible “asshole” persona...

The Social Network Status Tease (SNST) is a ditzy bitch who can do no more than post “cute” little sexual comments and jokes on their MySpace and/or Facebook page, with the hopes that they will get a long thread of “cute” little sexual responses from guys (most likely Shirtless Profile Asshole, Mustang Asshole, or Crotch Rocket Asshole).

SNST’s only creativity in life is the ability to use common, everyday terms in some kind of sexual reference. SNST also LOVES to post pics which emphasize their boobs. Their face may be a wreck, but their cans have GOT to be the attention of the photo. SNST will post from their home, school, work, the store, or anywhere else in order to satisfy their piss-poor self-esteem.

Nobody with any moral character at all wants to see the posts from SNST. They are predictable and oh-so-common. SNST often announces the bar at which they are going that evening, with the hopes that local male assholes will also go to that same bar. This makes for an entire evening of free drinks, and ego-boosting flirting for SNST.