1. A Howdy-Doody puppet dipped in shit.
2. An absolutely zero-experience Curious George look-alike who, if elected, will provide America with a way to see monkeys perform without having to go to the zoo or the circus.
3. Provides White America with a way to express regret for slavery and attempt to appease the likes of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.
4. A slick, say-anything-to-get-elected politician who regularly attended the Trinity United Church of Christ for over 20 years and just now resigned his membership. Wants America to believe that he never looked up to or followed the teachings of the Reverends Jeremiah Wright and Michael Pfelger and that he never actually listened to their sermons.
5. Another lyin' ass piece of shit politician.
Informed voter: "Mr. Obama, Is it true that you attended Trinity United Church for over two decades but never actually listened to the sermons or considered the pastors to be preaching hatred and racial division?"
Obama: "Yes. Pastors Wright and Pfelger were never my spiritual mentors."
Informed voter: "You are about a lyin' motherfucker!"