[e-mail]'s definitions

Minnesota

The Land of 10,000 lakes. The Gopher State. The Siberia of the United States. A cold state of the Upper Midwest/Great Lakes region bounded by Wisconsin, Iowa and the Dakotas. Its location in the Upper Midwest makes it similar to Wisconsin and, unfortunately, Michigan. Minnesota is frequently considered one of the best, most progressive states in the country. Its 5 million residents (21st in population) are blessed with a good economy, good education and some of the country’s best schools, high literacy, and good healthcare with generally healthy people (Rochester is home to the Mayo Clinic), but embraces liberal politics it considers “progressive.” As a result, it is the most tax burdened state in the country--Minnesota never met a tax it didn't like. The capital is Saint Paul and the largest city is its twin, Minneapolis (370,000), to the west. The Minneapolis-St. Paul Metro Area has about 3-million people and is 60% of the state’s population. Minneapolis is a college town and home to the University of Minnesota. The Mall of America is located in nearby Bloomington. Other population centers include include Duluth and Rochester

Minnesota is much like its regional states and notorious for its long and brutal winters, numerous lakes and plenty of opportunities to get out an enjoy nature. Many Minnesotans like to do ice sculptures, sled, ski, ice fishing, and go snowmobiling during the long winter. Many “downstate” Minnesotans in the Twin Cities region have vacations homes in the north that they frequent in the summer. Its 5 million residents are descendants of Nordic Europeans with funny, northern accents that resemble a dialect heard in Michigan, Wisconsin and Canada. Minnesotans are conservative by nature, but politically liberal. It is a major “blue” state and frequently supports Democrats in national elections. The stereotypical Minneosta demeanor is called “Minnesota nice” to connote a sort of smiling stubbornness, forced politeness, false humility or passive hostility, but not necessarily haughty. For example, they use word “different” to refer to inferiority. Minnesotans know their state is considered among the progressive in the country, but don’t usually boast about it.

Minnesota is the HQ to several large, well known companies like Northwest Airlines (Eagan), Target, 3M, Best Buy and General Mills. It is the birthplace of Judy Garland, Hubert Humphrey, Laura Ingalls-Wilder, Ernest Hemingway, Garrison Keillor, Jessie “the body” Ventura (who was also Governor at one point), Jessica Biel, that idiot Al Franken, Winona Ryder, and Vince Vaughn.

Minnesota is a progressive state to live in with a good quality of life, but dang is it cold.

by [e-mail] April 29, 2008

suv

Satan's Utility Vehicle. Nothing more than an irresponsible, gaz-guzzling, status symbol bought and operated by sexualty frustrated housewives, trophywives and suburban soccer moms who think they own the road and believe it requires a 3-ton monstrocity to haul 2 kids to practice while their cheating, corporate executive husbands are off banging their secretary. An SUV can often be seen occupying two parking spaces so it won't be hit by another "inferior" vehicle.

An SUV is an absolutely worthless, irresponsible automobile that does nothing but serve as a status cymbol to show off your money to others as if we care how much money you have. All SUVS are incredibly irresponsible to the environment and should be outlawed.

by [e-mail] March 26, 2008

los angeles

A nice place to visit but dam if you want to live there. The city of the angels. The silicon and plastic surgery capital of the world, thanks to the Hollywood culture and Beverly Hills. People are often confused at the term “Los Angeles.” The truth is that there are 3 Los Angeleses: the city, the county (the most populated in the U.S.) and the greater metro area (which includes Orange county). The 2nd largest city and metro area in the United States and home to over 14 million people--10 million in L.A. County alone. It is a hub of commerce, industry, transportation and motion picture production. L.A. is notorious for street gangs (more than any other U.S. city), car chases, traffic jams (the worst in the U.S.), police corruption, earthquakes, wild fires, mudslides, air pollution (the worst of any metro area in the U.S.) and superficial pricks/fake people (your car labels you) and an outrageous cost of living. The metro area is nicknamed “a hundred suburbs in search of a city” meaning that there is no real city center like in most cities. Its native Angelenos probably do not even know where the “real” downtown Los Angeles actually is. The city of Los Angeles covers well over 400 square-miles and is actually composed of a number of included communities as it expanded such as North Hollywood, Encino, Van Nuys, Studio City, Sherman Oaks, Reseda, Van Nuys, Northridge, Tarzana (all in the sprawling San Fernando Valley), Hollywood, Bel Air, Westwood, Watts, Venice Beach, Palisades (all in the L.A. basin) and a number of others.

Los Angeles has good weather and is a nice plce to visit but damn if you want to live there.

by [e-mail] September 12, 2007

Valentines Day

Probably the dumbest day of the year. You desperatly spend money for something for someone you don’t like very much to pretend there is something there you know is not.

I hate Valentines Day just because I'm single. It's another reason to hate my life.

by [e-mail] January 3, 2008

Bible belt

An area of the U.S., primarily the South, that has an enormously large number of Protestants. It's also a stereotypical term that recognizes the far southern United States for its faith, morals and huge presence of Protestant denominations including the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), the world’s largest Protestant denomination. This stereotype paints people in the region as Rednecks, NASCAR lovers, radical Bible thumpers, and narrowminded bigots.

The Bible Belt stereotype is most prevalent in rural areas of the South, however.

by [e-mail] March 29, 2008

blame

The game Americans like to play because nobody wants to take responsibility on anything.

Politicians and basically everyone else in our society like to play the blame game.

by [e-mail] August 22, 2008

The Bachelor

A reality show on ABC that puts 25 desperate and lonely Bachelorettes in competition with each other over a lonely, desperate Bachelor they don’t even know in the hopes that he will propose at the end of the season. These women are subdued by his looks, success,his charm, and his money, and mistakingly believe they are in love with him when they don’t even know him from Adam. Each week the Bachelorettes are given some time to be alone with the Bachelor, sometimes to the point of having sex with him, in the hopes he will be more likely to choose them. One crazy woman even gave the Bachelor on the last season her underwear upon meeting him for the first time, proving her overhwhelming lonliness and desperation (he eliminated her right away). At the end of each episode, the Bachelor gives a rose to the girls he wants to continue to the next round. In the closing weeks of the season the Bachelor travels to the ladies’ hometown to see her family and takes a weekend trip with her (probably having sex with her). In the last epsiode the Bachelor is seen searching for a ring for the lady he has chosen, and in the final moments finally chooses between two Bachelorettes left as to which lady he wants to be with.

The Bachelor makes me so sick that an STD test is necessary after watching it.

by [e-mail] April 28, 2008