hazletard-in-chief's definitions

Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic

1. The signature sketch of prop comic Gallagher, in which he smashes miscellaneous items with a large mallet not an actual sledgehammer. Apparently, a sledgehammer is too heterosexual. 2. A potent strain of methamphetamine, named after the above prop comic. Originating from around Hazleton, Pennsylvania. Taken orally, intravenously, anally, vaginally, nasally and smoked. The original lab was raided at the dawn of 2010, but is back in operation.

1. douche bag: I brought the clear plastic tarp for Gallagher's show. Hope he brings the Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic. Hee hee hee.

2. hazletard: I need a quarter hit of some Gallagher Sledge-O-Matic, bad. So I can suck truck driver cock for enough cash for a full hit, no homo.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Berwick Lights

The nickname for "The Berwick, Pennsylvania Jaycees' Christmas Boulevard" annual display. The display claims to be "over a mile of lights", meaning it utilizes upwards of a mile of strung lights, not that the display is actually a mile long. The display is located on the Market Street median directly in front of Berwick City Hall/The Jackson Mansion. It is actually quite popular in Northeastern Pennsylvania.

Berwick Lights are fucking awesome, if you ingest some psychedelics prior to seeing them.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 5, 2010

Highland Road

The hottest spot near Hazleton, Pennsylvania, to dump dead prostitutes at.

nigga 1: We need to dump this ho's body somewhere, she's getting ripe.

nigga 2: I know a place where I dumped an old couch, refrigerator and dead ho last week. I found it, while geocaching.

nigga 1: Geocaching?! We need to blacken you up. It' bad enough your a registered Republican, but fucking geocaching. Nigga Please!

nigga 2: Fuck you. Here we are... Highland Road biatch!

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

bloody hazleton

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.

"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton drifting

A form of racing, in which a shopping cart is forced into a over-steer. Popular in Hazleton, PA, because cars and gasoline aren't covered by food stamps.

hazletard: I won the Hazleton drifting competition in the Walmart parking lot.

me: Fucking sped.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton Hot Pocket

A necrophilia and coprophilia based sex act, in which a hazletard removes a corpse's head, defecates in the esophagus, and has sex with the esophagus.

hazletard: Nothing like visting the morgue at Hazleton General Hospital, and pulling off a Hazleton Hot Pocket!

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 10, 2010

strip mine

Archaic term for surface mine.

Let's go driving in the old strip mine, with your dad's Porsche Cayenne.

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011