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hazletard-in-chief's definitions

Nationwide Thugs

The nonexistent gang, all the the wiggers in Hazleton claim to be a member of. Sometimes shortened to "Nationwide."
hazletard: I'm in da Nationwide Thugs, yo. I'll cap your ass.

human: Does the Aryan Brotherhood, now except wiggers? That's the prison gang that runs the white section in state prison. That's were crackers like you go, when you keep this act up into adulthood.

hazletard: Watch your mouth fool. Nationwide will fuck you up.

human: Thanks, for all the footage of your terroristic threats, for my new cellphone. Enjoy prison, biznitch!

hazletard: I'm sorry. Don't call the police. I just act like this, because I'm a loser.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010
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Stone Couch

An unofficial landmark for kids in the Hazleton area of Anthracite Coal Region, consisting of a formation of rocks resembling a couch. It is located east of Hazleton, and south of Eckley Miner's Village Historic Site & Museum.
The Stone Couch appears to be man-made, but the culture that manufactured it is unknown. It is purportedly haunted, but no proof by local paranormal investigators have turned up any evidence.
Local legend says that if you sit on it once, you get scratched. Twice you sit on it, something bad happens to somebody close to you. Thrice you sit on it, you die.
The Stone Couch isn't scary at all, but just plain queer. The worst that can happen, is you waste a tank of gas looking for it.
by Hazletard-in-Chief November 22, 2010
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Northeast Counseling

The nonprofit organization that provides the vast majority of psychotherapy for the psychopaths in the Hazleton PA area. The majority of it's patients never get better.
nutty fuck 1: I need some pussy. And I need it fast.

nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.

nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.

nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.
by Hazletard-in-Chief August 18, 2011
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strip mine

Archaic term for surface mine.
Let's go driving in the old strip mine, with your dad's Porsche Cayenne.
by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011
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Hazletonian cost-benefit analysis

When a pimp seriously injures or kills his ho, thus losing money by not being able to pimp her out.
detective 1: I'm out here on Highland Road again, looking at another dead prostitute. What a waste.

detective 2: I know. That bitch could be making money sucking and fucking. At least a couple grand on Friday night, alone. It's a damn shame.

detective 1: I believe they call it Hazletonian cost-benefit analysis. It's a form of nigger logic.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 8, 2010
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hazleton with cheese

A form of mutal masturbation, in which a yeast infected woman hangs by her feet, while a man mastubates her. He catches soft yeast falling from her vagina on his penis, and she uses it as lubricant, to masturbate his penis.
pervert: I love your fishy stank all over my cock.

bitch: Hope you enjoy it, I didn't clean my snatch for several weeks.

pervert: The hazleton with cheese is the bomb.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010
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Hazleton Nut Thrust

When a man holds his balls together tightly, and fists a Domincan prostitute's asshole with the balls.
nigga: I would sure like to give you a Hazleton Nut Thrust.

Domincan Ho: (unintelligble Dominican jibbersh)

nigga: Oh yeah. Take it like a white biatch!

Dominican Ho: two dollars.

nigga: Damn your pricey.
by Hazletard-in-Chief November 22, 2010
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