hazletard-in-chief's definitions

Hazletonmobile

The primary mode of transportation in Hazleton, PA, seen outside of every home: A stolen shopping cart!

hazletard 1: Got any WD-40, my ride needs a tune up.

hazletard 2: Ditch that bitch. I got this fly Hazletonmobile, from GIANT Food. No I can go Hazleton drifting, this afternoon.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton drifting

A form of racing, in which a shopping cart is forced into a over-steer. Popular in Hazleton, PA, because cars and gasoline aren't covered by food stamps.

hazletard: I won the Hazleton drifting competition in the Walmart parking lot.

me: Fucking sped.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

bloody hazleton

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.

"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Berwick Lights

The nickname for "The Berwick, Pennsylvania Jaycees' Christmas Boulevard" annual display. The display claims to be "over a mile of lights", meaning it utilizes upwards of a mile of strung lights, not that the display is actually a mile long. The display is located on the Market Street median directly in front of Berwick City Hall/The Jackson Mansion. It is actually quite popular in Northeastern Pennsylvania.

Berwick Lights are fucking awesome, if you ingest some psychedelics prior to seeing them.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 5, 2010

Highland Road

The hottest spot near Hazleton, Pennsylvania, to dump dead prostitutes at.

nigga 1: We need to dump this ho's body somewhere, she's getting ripe.

nigga 2: I know a place where I dumped an old couch, refrigerator and dead ho last week. I found it, while geocaching.

nigga 1: Geocaching?! We need to blacken you up. It' bad enough your a registered Republican, but fucking geocaching. Nigga Please!

nigga 2: Fuck you. Here we are... Highland Road biatch!

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

reschooler

A person trying to relive school, usually high school or college.

Nicole: I am so happy to be a highschool English teacher. I also get to head the yearbook staff. I love yearbook.

Melvin: Fucking reschooler. God your pathetic.

Nicole: Your just jealous, because your a self employed businessman, making seven figures a quarter. While I am getting to relive highschool everyday.

Melvin: I'd rather relive the gang bang I had at the Playboy Mansion last week.

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011

hazletard

1) noun: A mentally impaired person from Hazleton, Pennsylvania; 2) verb: to render something or somebody useless; 3) verb: to act mentally impaired while in the city limits of Hazleton, PA

A hazletard (definition 1) stole my quad, barrelled up City Hall's steps and hazletarded (def. 2 past-tense) the fucking bitch. The cops found him hazletarding (def. 3 past participle) down the block, from meth. I got to leave this fucking town!

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 11, 2010