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13 definitions by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle

 
8.
South African word for a barbecue. According to Pork Scotch and Goofy Granny this is "the only way to eat" and even "the only way to live". In reality however it is the only way to be fat and gay and wear pink flowery shorts.
For normal people a braai is something reserved for special occasions. For Scotch Man Porky Wawky its something you do at least once a day if the sun is out.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle July 31, 2009
 
9.
The name assumed by a fat security guard who thinks that sitting in the gatehouse of a pie factory makes him the most important man in the world. He spends most of his working day reading his newspaper and demanding to see the ID of the only people of lower grade than him - the toilet cleaners.
Stop! Who goes there?

None of your fat business. Who the hell are you?

I am the Scotch, the Big Bad Scotch.

Correction. You're a fat ugly nobody with little legs and a gay moustache.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 18, 2009
 
10.
The slowest walking speed possible. Only fat old security guards with short stumpy legs can achieve this incredibly slow rate of movement. Given a headwind and a hangover the Pork Scotch walk can compete with continental drift for lack of swiftness.
Is that fat guy sleeping on his feet?

No he's on his way to work. He's so old and flabby he can't go any faster than a Pork Scotch walk.
by by kenny spoffo-grumpbeetle August 16, 2009
 
11.
A version of Bruce Springsteen's song "Born to Run" sung by Pork Scotch, the world's ugliest dickhead. First sung as a drunken karaoke performance and later recorded at Goofy Granny's expense. The record sold precisely 2 copies.
I've made a record therefore I'm young and cool.

But what the hell does the song mean?

It means I was born to Scotch. Scotch means to be cool. I was born to be cool.

OK Dickwad, you need to look up "Scotching" on Urban Dictionary.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 20, 2009
 
12.
Tent-sized light blue Y-fronts worn by Nogtard. First spotted on 22nd August when Nogtard stopped in the street and lifted his polo shirt. The pants were halfway up his chest and of a style not made since 1987. How often he changes them is anyone's guess.
Are we getting a marquee for my birthday party?

Not sure we'll get one big enough for all those guests we've got coming. We'll have to use Nogtard's pants instead.
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle August 22, 2009
 
13.
A retard who cleans the bogs at Asda. These mentally-unfortunate individuals can often be seen fishing out unflushable Hill biscuits with a net and eating them for lunch.
What's David doing?

Fishing out the Snuf biscuits for lunch. Can't get enough of those lovely bourbons. Typical Asda bog cleaner!
by by Kenny Spoffo-Grumpbeetle May 16, 2009