2 definitions by aesthetic randomity

Top Definition
a "Thetan" is the Church of Scientology's name for the human spirit. Like many of the worlds religions Scientologists believe the human spirit or thetan to be immortal. The primary attributes of the thetan are awareness and intention. A thetan is a pure static - that is, the thetan does not occupy a fixed position in space or time except by its own consideration.

By themselves thetans do not have nor need bodies. Instead, Scientologists believe that certain thetans have been tricked, trapped, implanted, or otherwise chose to inhabit bodies. These thetans have since then become addicted to reincarnating in bodies and cannot recall previous lives without help. This has also been suggested in other spiritual traditions such as those of Ancient Egypt and Tibetan Buddhism, each of which document the between lives area in their respective "Book of the Dead."

Since thetans are immortal, Scientology's conception of cosmic history stretches back for quadrillions of years.

The ostensible "xemu" story, often quoted in an attempt to belittle scientologists for the seemingly science-fiction and space-opera nature of their beliefs, is only one suppressive event in the 8 quadrillion cosmic year history acknowledged by Scientology.

Scientologists acknowledge that thetans are capable of being affected by electronics and by other thetans, even before their descent into bodies, with embodied thetans being much more susceptible to implantation of hypnotic suggestions by electronic means.
Spot the thetan in the incident. Spot yourself spotting the thetan.

Jill went external and blanketed the thetan of the CEO's son and left a little bit of her theta stuck to his body. Now Jill tunes in on that little piece whenever she wants and can monitor whatever he does. She's been trying to get him to have an affair with one of the polish cleaning ladies to embarass and discredit him in the eyes of his wife and his father.
by aesthetic randomity July 06, 2010
a semi-humorously postulated system of behavioral control, in use in the present time western world. likely originating in, and with overlapping influences from, the electromagnetic emissions of cell phone towers, televisions, computers, and HAARP. additional corrective vectors include orgone, the weather, GMO's, plagues, surreptitious media manipulation, and gang stalking.

certain entities and organizations may or may not also make use of their own customized Mind Beams (tm). likely candidate organizations in possession of Mind Beam technologies capable of controlling their membership/worker/slaves/the populace include
Scientologists, Freemasons, Bohemian Grovesers, McDonalds, Wallmart, and all major Banks, the Armed Forces, and all 3 letter governmental Alphabet Soup Agencies.

it has been suggested that users of conspiracy forums, users of internet chat rooms, users of all drugs legal or illegal, users of free government services such as public aid, all stay-at-home moms, and all schoolchildren are also subject to the regular influence of Mind Beams.

so when you dont get enough sleep, or when you feel the urge to strike out at the world for no reason, consider blaming the Mind Beams (tm).
<swiftkick> i'm so tired all the time.
<swiftkick> maybe putting my bed 5 feet from 3 giant transformer cans on the pole on the outside wall of my bedroom area, wasnt the best idea.
<swiftkick> of course, it could just be the mind beams.
by aesthetic randomity August 11, 2010

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