Zamboozee's definitions

Vermicelli

Another name for thin spaghetti, which on inspection looks much like small worms one eats, rather than ones that eat one; also, it not being a word derived from an Italianate word that means the plural of musical vermin playing the cello badly, although this could become a popular misconception of its meaning if one put one’s mind to it.

“You’ve burnt the vermicelli,” the banker said to his wife, who had heard it all before, as she did it deliberately every Friday to annoy him whenever he annoyed her over exceeding her weekly housekeeping allowance.

by Zamboozee April 15, 2011

Gymnopaedia

A yearly get together promoted by a load of ancient Spartans to peruse the equality of their youth, by allowing them to parade their prowess before them through the formalization of pederastic pedagogy via the medium of dancing; or, alternatively, a kinky Greek word not actually meaning the morbid fear of gyms, but it is quite close to being so, and which originally probably came about by knowing too much about what happens to young men in them.

Let’s go to the Gymnopaedia, you and I, it’s a good day to heckle those old men ogling the young men there, and teach them a lesson they’ll never forget, and with luck we’ll be able to ogle a few young women as well while we’re at it, just for good measure.

by Zamboozee April 18, 2011

Troubadour

A garlic-eating folk singer of ancient origins; as a group they generally being ones flourishing principally in the Middle Ages in the South of France writing catchy tunes and jingles in a complex metric form for court musicians.

I am not a not a man with a pointy stick wanting to poke unwilling participants in the gladiatorial games with it (and thus who do not like it up them), I am a troubadour, that is, one whom sings soppy love songs to courtly people with nothing much better to do than to listen to those who sing sad songs about unrequited love in drafty old castles by the sea.

by Zamboozee April 24, 2011

Cretinous-Cretinalias

A Latinised-sounding high-brow word for a dumb-arsed dumb-bunny, usually being one with incipient learning difficulties, who thus is going to spend half his life in a mental funk because he can do nothing right and the other half tormented by the question of why he can do nothing right, and so, in the evolutionary stakes, is in fact a born loser.

I suppose that in describing your behaviour you’d have to be called a cretinous-cretinalias, if only because you look so confoundedly like a classic one.

by Zamboozee April 29, 2011

Sexual partner

That man or woman or person who shares all your most intimate sexual moments with you on a daily or long-term basis, he or she being of either sex, or, occasionally the same sex, or, sometimes, being a mix of sexes, or occasionally someone of no sex at all (but that does not often happen). In normal sexual relationships, mostly being someone of either one sex or another who, with his or her partner of choice, enjoy carnal knowledge of each other on a long-term basis, as according to the sexual preference of either partner.

Come, my dear, be my sexual partner, either for a day or two or maybe even the rest of our lives, or maybe even come skipping up the aisle with me and, with a bit of luck, and in the meantime, we’ll also have some fun between the sheets whenever we want to, weather permitting.

by Zamboozee May 4, 2011

Man-Bag

A man who has let himself be used by another man as a carry-all on the street for narcotics such as crack cocaine or heroine, the drugs in question being rolled up in condoms and then hidden up his bottom and transported to their destination in that way, either by walking, car, motorbike, push-bike, bus, train, ferry, or helicopter, either locally or long distance, but not internationally.

My dear chap, all I want you to do this morning is to transport these rolled up condoms full of cocaine through the streets up your bottom. There is no question of you being a Man-Bag for me, as I will not even be on the street with you, as this is something you are doing for your own profit and entirely of your own volition.

by Zamboozee May 11, 2011

Officiousnado

A pretentious non-entity; somebody who does not completely lord it over all he surveys at the workplace or at a social gathering but would obviously like to, he being a sort of “straw-boss” of officious ceremonies, or, if not exactly so, something quite close to being so.

Why, if I did not know any better, my man, I’d call you an officiousnado, but the only reason I’d rather not is that I don’t particularly like spouting compound words or otherwise inventing neologisms while I’m incensed enough to make them up over such an insignificant, pushy little fellow as you obviously are.

by Zamboozee May 4, 2011