1 definition by Wet Festus

Ned

A man with a dry sense of humor who was at one point in his life, a social outcast, driven into a deep depression, and is slowly overcoming this problem by being an academic counselor who tells extremely lame jokes while putting one hand in his left pocket, thrusting his hips to the right, and shooting the "double-finger gun" at a 45º angle towards the ground.

Can usually be found wearing a button-up shirt with a collage of ducks and dogs scattered on it. He also wears an ugly pair of forest-green khakis slacks. His facial features include enormous ears, large, pointy, and crooked nose, and a clean-shaven face.

Name: Ned
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 135 lbs
Shoe Size: > 16
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Body Type: Lanky
Location: School Classroom
Occupation: Academic Advisor/Counselor
Habits: 1. Thrusting the symbol "The Ned" high in the air. 2. Repeating the main subject of every sentence you say to him while engaged in coversation.

Example 1:
Kids: "Ned, we are thinking about jobbing out of 6th and 7th hour, now that football is over."
Ned: "Jaaawwbbin' out"

Example 2:
Kids: Ned, we are thinking about getting into some serious supersadomasochisticnecrobeastiality.
Ned: "Supersadomasochisticnecrobeastiality."

by Wet Festus February 1, 2009