A serious fecal disorder. Usually happens to people after eating Mexican Cuisine. Using too much hot sauce, or holding in your shit all day.
When you have lava shits, you may experience some or all of the following:
1. A bad stomach ache.
2. Having chunky, liquid poop.
3. Said poop burns your asshole.
4. It all comes out at once, or takes forever.
5. It goes on all day.
Say you're on the phone with somebody you know. For the sake of argument, we'll call Girl A 'Melissa' and Boy A 'John'.
John: Melissa, are you there?
-----no response from Melissa------
John: Melissa?! ANSWER ME PLEASE! I AM GOING TO DIE!
-----still no response-----
John killed himself, because he thought Melissa was ignoring him. When in reality, she had the lava shits and laid the phone down. John's life could have been saved, if Melissa wasn't so ashamed of having lava shit and just told him about it.
Moral of story: When you have lava shits, tell everyone.
When a woman, usually below the age of sixty, has to fart really bad. But, due to her high level of sophistication and manners, she shoves her thumb in her ass, and covers her mouth. But the gas has to come out somewhere. So, to ease what could become a terrible stomach ache, she lets loose, and burps out of her pussy. When said burp is released, from the vaginal cavity, it makes a sound that is louder than four jet engines, and reeks of week old queef.
So ladies, please, when you have to fart, please refrain from shoving objects in your ass.
Woman: Oh, my! I drank my root beer too fast. But I don't want to burp, or fart. I know! *shoves thumb in ass* BRRRAAAAPPPPP! Ahh! That was the best pussy burp I've ever had!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world -
Man wearing a turban: Oh damn! That smells like week old queef!