2 definitions by The dread pirate roberts

Top Definition
Douchbaggius Maximus is a person, and we use this term loosely who has transcended mere mortal ways of being a complete douche bag. This is the guy who is serial monogamist, Ei dating girls for extended periods of time before fucking them over leaving them or generally exposing his position as a complete asshole. This is worse than Douche-bah-Promiscuous, the most common sup species of the douche bag, for two reasons. One, he reeks much more emotional havoc on women, and two Because you must know him (generally a he, but there are females of this subspecies, or breed).

Identifying features of this species include, dating a girl for a month a year or more, occasionally parading them around their friends, mixed with keeping them in another State. After a few months there will be a period of cheating which often but does not always include, the male receiving oral sex from a random girl at a party, then receiving it in random places in a big city in Maryland, engaging in sexual acts during high school, in stair wells with girls they claim to detest on moral grounds, refusing to speak to people they have been in association with for the better part of a decade, because they are, sexual immoral, when in fact the friend is much more sexual reserved loyal and monogamist that any species of Douchbaggius Maximus could ever be.
1, Oh man, look at Glen Beck, he’s implying that liberals eat babies when he infact is one of the leading causes in fetal sucides due to his own stupidity. Fucking Douchbaggis Maximus

2. Did that guy just drive two hours to another city to get a blow job from some slut then go to church the next day with his parents? An excellent example of Douchbaggis Maximus
3. Some Douchbaggius Maximus woke me up at seven on saterday banging on my door. He then told me I was goign to hell if I did not stop having sex with any one ever, outside of one woman with the intent to make babbies.
by The dread pirate roberts May 21, 2010
A bagel fucker is an individual who works at the local bagel shop, and is very proud of it. He acts as if he a serious important job that could not be done by an underpaid illegal immigrant, when in fact he works at one of many generic bagel shops, much like any Deli bagel, or grocery store employee, his skills are such that he can easily be replaces if he leaves, as his replacement will take one to two weeks to train.

This person looks super serious when giving you your bagel, is upset if you do not become a regular costumer, and always eats, even on the days he is not working, at his place of employment, willingly going back behind the counter with out pay.

He may also engage in the act of making a doughy Vagina, like Flesh light and having sex with it. Alternatively he may fashion a dildo out of flatbread and allow the manger to ritualistically sodomize him with it, with the intent of becoming the grand master of dough.
1. Have you seen that bagel fucker, he totally ditched out ona beach trip because he would have to work the next day and didin't want to be fired

2. Person one...Why is that guy recieving anal sex from a thirty year old store manger using a cock made of flat bread.

Person Two: Because he is a Bagel ducker.

Person one:Oh.
by The dread pirate roberts May 21, 2010
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