A mustache so disturbingly creepy, it literally molests your eyeballs. It also has been known to put women and men into a trance, whereupon the victim awakens, disrobed with the sneaking suspicion he or she has been raped.
Janine: Holy shit that was close!
Ugly Jane: What was?
Janine: The molestache on that trucker over there almost caught me in its trailer-tractor beam. Now come on, let's scram before we black out and wake up raped!
Ugly Jane: You go on ahead, I'm gonna get my fuck on.