The Gonzo Lecture's definitions

Academic Consultant

A grandiose windbag who bullshits for a fee. They can't do anything useful, so they enter teaching, but they find out they can't teach very well so they try to teach teachers, but the teacher they teach think they are tossers, so they become academic consultants.

Chas: Who the fuck is that grandiose tosser at the front of the room who keeps bullshitting?

Nick: He's what's called an Academic Consultant. Tosser.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 25, 2010

Swamp Fart

A release of gas from the anal cavity renowned for its particular moistness and pungent odour. Unlike a normal fart, and other categories of cruel fart, the swamp fart is distinct in a number of important respects. It is formed by poorly-digested vegetable or fruit matter incubating in the colon for an extended time period. This results in an uncomfortable build-up of methane gas, which when combined with semi-liquid foodstuffs, produces a wet fart sound when omitted. This is often confused with a pudding fart due to its bass timbre. However, a swamp fart is so foul smelling that it causes an immediate gagging response from those nearby. Commonly, those responsible for swamp farts quickly vacate the environments contaminated by their own farticles both to avoid blame and to check their undergarments for undesirable debris, often referred to as fart sauce.

Kimi and Chaz are sitting in their local pizza restaurant.

Kimi: Was that you Chaz? God that stinks!

Chaz: (Sniggers) Sorry love, I just produced an impromptu swamp fart. Better out than though, I can tell you!

Kimi: You're disgusting Chaz! Shall we order now?

Chaz: No...I have to go to the bathroom. I think I might have fart sauce in my shorts...

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010