your flat share
and fucks shit up
. Seems "quite sound" when you first meet, but as soon
as their name's on the contract
shit starts to go wrong:
- multiplication: get home from work and your flat
is full of Aussies drinking lager
in your toilet, and touching up bull dykes
(known as Sheilas
). Once Aussies have
multiplied in your
house, it is v hard to get rid of them.
- shit banter
: Aussie banter
is based on their supposed superiority to dumb Yanks
, boring Poms
, sheep shagging Kiwis
, and anyone with brown skin. Still think they dominate most sports, despite
this not being true.
- Ramsay Street Kitchen Nightmares
in Australia has any taste
or knows how to cook. Your kitchen will look like a load of 14-year-old boys
moved in for a month. Signs
include stacks of empty beer cans, pizza boxes and the smell of wanking
coming from the sink.
: Aussies are descended from convicts. The country has been
a hotbed of crime
since the days of Ned Kelly
, and your
Aussie flatmate is no different. As they have
no taste (see above), they
struggle to steal anything valuable, but your
TV may get pawned
- The Aussie
goodbye: If you have managed to survive long enough to outstay
flatmate, you'll probably be treated to the Aussie
goodbye. The classic version is to leave without
paying a major bill
, and with no forwarding
Joe: Hi Brad, I've just got back from work. How was your day?
: I'VE BEEN DRINKIN' HEAPS
OF FACKIN' BEER YOU POMMY CUNT
Joe: Oh that's good. I just noticed
there's a naked, overweight, sunburnt woman passed out in my bed.
: HAHA YES MATE, ME AND THE BOYS SPIT ROASTED
LISA. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
. OI OI OI.
Joe: Fuck, I hate having an Aussie