3 definitions by Taipei toecutter

as pissed as a mattress

Sufficiently drunk to be able to speak in tongues, roll eyes, disable the beer GPS, have taxi drivers take one to the police, break ankles, shag your manager (or someone elses)and ultimately become mpp. Only excuse is "I have to go somewhere, and do something" Anyway...

"He would not have luged the stairs if he was not as pissed as a mattress"
"I (he, she or it) was as pissed as a mattress last night"
"Must be MPP, pissed as a mattress when I left him"
"Pyromaniac? No, just pissed as a mattress"
"No, I didn't do that, must have been pissed as a mattress"
"Don't hit me again, Officer"

by Taipei toecutter May 31, 2006

MPP

Acronym: Missing Presumed Pissed: Used when persons do not show at work at the appointed time when there is no reasonable excuse other than excessive alcohol intake the previous night. Also used for any other inexplicable absence. The only valid excuse for tardiness. The term has a close association with being "As pissed as a mattress" ie having visited an establishment where "I know a place where they have food" or is otherwise skanky.

"Four drinking last night, and only one MPP ... Guess who?"
"How many MPP today?"
"Is Homer MPP?"
"Suomi boy has never been MPP ... yet"
"MPP? ... OOH, La-di-da"

by Taipei toecutter May 31, 2006

drunk

Normal operating condition. Several stages before being as pissed as a mattress.Still capable of most motor functions. Beer GPS not yet disabled. Low probability of self inflicted damage. Unlikely to become MPP. High possibility of continuing to {multiple} skanky bars in hi-jacked taxis. Waking routine normal.

"Not as pissed as a mattress, only a tad drunk"
"Drunk, fuck - no"
"Only one and a half bottles of gin, of course a bit drunk"
"No, I'm not drunk, it's called lateral thinking"
"I am drunk. Pass the bottle!"

by Taipei toecutter May 31, 2006