Sir Bartholomew McTavish's definitions

captain jirk

Any person, male or female, in a film, book, game, stageplay etc that is acting in a pretentious, less than eroic manner, who ruins completely an otherwise good story.

Examples of a captain jirk are...

David from Shaun of the Dead
The Dolmen from Star Trek TOS Episode 'Elaan of Troyus'
Cypher from The Matrix
The Dursley's from Harry Potter series of books and films
Caligula from real life history and the film 'The Robe'
Brad from Superman 3
Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark

Etc.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 23, 2009

crackmail

crackmail is what it is called when a woman, uses her crack to shut a moaning husband, boyfriend up when he finds out something she didn't want known.

Steve: So, what happened when you confronted your missus about doing that hardcore porno behind your back, when she was supposed to be going to see her ill Mother?
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008

Fissedasapartman

Some drunken idiot who thinks he's a superhero and tries to wrestle the dustbins outside his own house.
A true 'Fissedasapartman' is identified as a man who loses the fight to his bins and or wakes up next to his bins,
covered in catshit and in the nip with a banana wedged in his butt cheeks. (Put there by kind-meaning neighbours.)

1)A Fissedasapartman is any male/semi-male from any city / town / hovel North,South,East or West, out on the town around four in the morning to be found trying to chat up a cigarette machine and pulling said device.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008

cockonuts

1:) Not just insane but cock-o-nuts insane.

2:) Dick & balls euphemism.

3:) Jim's granny from American Pie 3.

HERMAPHRODITE #1: Dude, why do you have that Sony Playstation 3 up your ass?
DUDE: Because I like it.
HERMAPHRODITE #1:Dude, you're not just insane, you're cockonuts.
DUDE: Thanks.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

wangelina

To gain a wang-on while watching her in any of her nude happy films. Gia, Womb Raider, actually what else is she in?

Man#1: You see that new Tomb Raider flick?
Man#2: You mean the one with Wangelina
Man#1: High Five! (They high five.) Yeah..!

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 9, 2008

baazing

When something really cool happens and no other words/phrases say it as well as.
Sometimes other words such as snap, wizard, awesome and boomshakalaka will do when baazing has been used too many times whilst watching Ladies Wimbledon or any fantastic lesbian threeway porno.

PATRICK: Sebastien, see that girl there by the photocopier?

SEBASTIEN: Yeah,that's Mark from Accounting's teenaged sister, I've heard she's harder to lay than a sixty foot Ostritch Egg.

PATRICK: Well I had some of that last night in the back of my Mazda.

SEBASTIEN: Baazing!

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish March 4, 2008

OlgaBolger

Any stocky Austrian,German or Scottish women who should be right heffers but are so physically shaggable that she makes bits of all men bulge to near ejaculating proportions

Mike: Did you see that sixfoot, blonde, German babe from accounting?
Dave: Olga? Yeah, I think she could benchpress a truck.
Mike: Yeah, but she is quite fit.
Dave: She's over there now! Look at those nuggs.
Mike: I've just cum.
Dave: Me too.I've got an OlgaBolger in my grits too.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 11, 2008