A sausage muncher who googles naked pictures of his mom in his spare time. You can observe him in his natural habitat of the Mexican badlands munching on cinnamon almonds and stalking Facebook profiles when he finds internet connection. His sidekick is a black bear named Buddy.
He gives great fashion advice.
When he is not criticizing Asians he has a heart of gold. Gold which he stole from the Irish and openly brags about.
Beth: Man, I don't know what to wear tonight
Clarissa: You should ask Juan! Bring sausages and almonds for payment.